Thursday, September 06, 2007
Stack of pancakes here
Randy King
Randy King's Tech Insider is exclusive to roanoke.com and is posted by 5 p.m. Thursdays in season.
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Time to stop with the Glenn Dorsey stuff. Thanks! Will Stewart ... TSL host.
With my sincerest apologies, Mr. Stewart, I've simply have to break the oft-repeated embargo that you issued here Wednesday. Of course, I'm not a card-carrying member of your seemingly very prosperous TechSideline.com, the "Premier Independent Publication Covering Virginia Tech Athletics," so I'm completely allowed to go "jailbreak" on you.
Certainly, I do drop in and peruse the football forum message board quite regularly to check the vibes of your ever-growing horde of pilgrims. Hey, I confess: TSL is a player, whether Jim Weaver likes it or not.
And, my man, you know I respect your knowledge. I know I've told you: If my life was in jeopardy and I had to pick one person to answer a "daily double" Jeopardy question on Tech football, there's not one other human I'd want in the saddle than you.
So what, my man, we had a little tit-for-tat over a credentialed media member wearing a MV1 No. 7 into the Gator Bowl hospitality room seven years ago. Hey, I'm over it and so are you, hopefully.
Hey, s--- [barnyard noun] happens!
And sometimes it occurs without the use of a suppository. Even in a big-game week in which a high percentage of Hokies' keisters are running a tad on the tight side.
Obviously, no silver bullets were required Wednesday to spark the diarrhea of posters' comments being dumped on LSU All-American defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey.
I clicked into the joint for the first time Wednesday about 6:45 p.m. Talk about runs city. It was Dorsey this, Dorsey that. A stack of hilarious one-liners stacked on top of another, with assorted peeved barbs from LSU backers. Jeez, I about drew blood in my right index finger hitting the "more messages" button trying to wind back to the origin post that ignited all the Dorsey decadence.
Best I can figure, it was DanTiger, an obvious LSU backer who either is retired, unemployed, or else using his company like a drug at a time he should be working for his paycheck. If I'm mistaken, rip me. Been there, done that. Bring the machete if you want.
"I love to see you fire up the first Defensive pick in the draft!!!!," DanTiger's post began.
He followed up with a cut-and-paste from a notebook written by somebody at the The Roanoke Times: Tech sophomore right guard Sergio Render said he hopes to see a lot of LSU All-America defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey when the Hokies and Tigers meet Saturday in Baton Rouge. "I'm not going to back down," said the 6-foot-4, 310-pound Render, the Hokies' strongest lineman. "Both of us put on pants the same way. I feel like if I can get my hands on him, I can put him on the ground. ... Anybody can be pancaked. And I'm going to try my best to make sure that happens this Saturday."
Are you kidding me? I needed a good laugh. That filled the bill. The oldtimers in the audience -- are there any left? -- must have thought they were back in high school again. Jeez, back in the day, there wasn't a football player around who was afraid to say they were going to kick somebody's posterior.
What's Render supposed to say? "Oh, I'm staying away from Dorsey. I can't touch him, much less block him. Man, I sure hope he lines on Dick Graham's side so I never have to go 1-on-1 with the biggest, baddest dude in college football."
Yeah, right. I know Sergio Render.
I talked to both parties Wednesday. Both of these guys not only talk like but each are real football players. Both cherish the prospects of lining up toe to toe and getting it on.
If TigerDan thinks that's trash talk, well, excuse me. Both of these guys mean business. So do these two football teams. That's what makes Saturday night's game so special.
I give it up to the TSLers. A plate of clever, witty posts, no doubt. Sure made for everlasting conversation. All the hit counts should help Mr. Will attract another sponsor.
Pancake something. If I'm you, my next phone call is to the advertising arm of International House of Pancakes. IHOP. You hop, everybody hops. Yeah!
Funny thing about all this. I asked Dorsey, who came across over the phone as Darryl Tapp's twin brother -- a player I absolutely adored -- with his constant talk about working hard, total humility, and his infectious kid-like giggle, if he ever had been pancaked. After all, that's what Mr. Render had ridiculously, according to LSU fans, had vowed to do to him come Saturday in Baton Rouge.
"Oh, I've been pancaked now," confessed Dorsey, giggling. "Every dog has its day. I've been pancaked, man, I don't know how many times. But I've been pancaked, though. I've been pancaked quite a few times.
"Especially, when I first got out here. I was playing too high and I was already short [6-2]. I was really standing up and the other older guys were taking advantage of me. So I've had my days."
Hey, that's not a crime unless you get covered in additives, right, I retorted.
"Nah, just don't throw the syrup on me!" the playful Dorsey retorted.
No big deal, folks. Just two serious players talking about a big game. Everybody just funning, you know.
Just call it the flapjack follies. All this has me I-Hopping for another answer to a serious question. Who could eat the most 'cakes? Render or Dorsey? Throw that one on your scales and weigh it until 9:17 EST Saturday. Besides, the class monitor needs a rest, folks.
