Sunday, March 02, 2008
Bowling, lattes? Sounds good
Aaron McFarling
Recent columns
"When I go bowling, there's nothing I want more than scallops in a nice cream sauce. And a mesclun green salad."
I wish I could take credit for that quote, but I can't. I'm not sure what "mesclun" is. And I'm only vaguely familiar with the term "salad."
But bowling? I know bowling. I love bowling. And I knew exactly what colleague Nona Nelson meant when she uttered that tongue-in-cheek line last week.
Bowling is about hot dogs, nachos and beer. Bowling does not belong in the same paragraph with internationally acclaimed chefs and something called a "LaBoulaie Culinary Institute."
That said, build it anyway. Please. Make it happen. Spend the $240 million. I'll throw in six bucks if it'll help.
Give us the conference center, the five-star hotel, the internationally acclaimed chef, the LaBoulaie Culinary Institute, the aquatics center.
Give us whatever trappings you want, as long as you give us the 90-lane, tournament-quality bowling alley as the centerpiece of it all.
In case you missed it in Thursday's Business section, two men have put together a proposal so ambitious it makes the art museum look like just another one-pump Stop-'n'-Go. Despite the roughly 17,000 obstacles in their path, Del MacFall and Robert Johnson are working on an "eccentrically mixed commercial endeavor" they want to put somewhere in Roanoke County.
And the best part? This eccentrically mixed commercial endeavor, should it come to fruition, would feature some killer lanes. The kind of lanes that would draw national bowling tournaments and serious bowlers seeking training, according to MacFall.
Rumors of this SuperHouse have been circulating among area bowlers for months. But now that the actual proposal has been laid out before us in print, along with a photo that could only be described as "a guy in a pink jacket and mirrored sunglasses next to a guy in a three-piece suit at a bowling alley," we can only hope the New York investors come through with the dough and the fellas in the photo build us a pinfall palace.
Most of us bowling enthusiasts already have an alley of choice in the area, but think of the cultural possibilities here. If this thing is built, we could hit the lanes -- then swim a few laps in the Olympic-quality aquatics facility. As a bonus for those of us with less discriminating taste, that would also replace the need for a post-bowling shower.
We could pick up a baby split -- then pick up a gingerbread latte at the rooftop coffee shop and lounge.
We could take down the Big Four -- then take a cooking class at LaBoulaie.
Ten of the lanes would be set aside for big-time tournaments, which is also exciting. Just think: professionals such as Walter Ray Williams Jr., Patrick Allen, Chris Barnes, Norm Duke -- all coming to our area, bringing the ESPN cameras with them.
"Live from Roanoke, Va., it's the Denny's PBA Tour!"
Mmm ... Denny's.
Do they serve mesclun green salads there?
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Just when you thought network television was starting to go soft, CBS announced Wednesday that it plans to broadcast mixed martial arts events four times a year on Saturday nights.
This is where some columnists would launch into a "think of the children" rant against the money-hungry networks. But if it's a choice between this and a bunch of airheads opening suitcases with dollar amounts in them, I say, "Choke 'em out good, boys!"
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Speaking of quality television, esteemed outdoors editor Mark Taylor got an e-mail from the producers of "Wife Swap" last week.
Seriously. Apparently, they saw one of his columns on bicycle safety and wanted to gauge his interest in appearing on the ABC reality show, which features families trading antipodal moms for a week in the hopes of producing wacky misadventures.
Our guess is that they had some daredevil mom in mind to swap with Taylor's wife, Mary -- a lovely, sensible working mother of twin girls.
Alas, we won't see our hook-and-bullet hero on the show.
I'd love to tell you that he turned it down out of principle, that respect and love for his matrimonial partner trumped the $20,000 appearance fee and glory of reality TV.
But the truth is, his kids aren't old enough. They're only 6, and the show requires them to be at least 7.
No exceptions.
Trust me, he checked.
