Sunday, December 09, 2007
To the losers, the spoils
Aaron McFarling
Recent columns
SQUEEZEBURG -- And they're counting down the seconds here, folks! It's really going to happen! Five, four, three ... Do you believe in inevitabilities? Yes!
The Squeezeburg High School Owls have done it! After 34 years without a regional basketball playoff berth, they've finally locked one up!
And look at the players out there. So humble. No jumping and shouting and grandstanding like so many modern-day athletes. These Owls are really taking it all in stride.
Most of them are just heading straight to the locker room. It's going to be quite a celebration in there, I'm sure.
Let's go down to sideline reporter Suzy Smith, who has caught up with the head coach.
Suzy: Thanks, Aaron. I'm here with Squeezeburg coach Billy Ruffneck. Coach ... wow. Congratulations.
Billy: Lady, with all due respect, I have no earthly idea what you're talking about.
Suzy: Tough to put your feelings into words right now, coach?
Billy: Oh, I can put them into words. Let's see ... Embarrassed ... Devastated ... Humiliated. Those words work for you? I mean, we just lost our season opener 96-12. I'm sorry if I'm not in the most chipper of moods.
Suzy: They told me you were an understated man, coach, and now I see what they mean. Congratulations again on making the regionals.
Billy: Hmmph. If you'll excuse me Suzy, I'd better get to the locker room. If my kids aren't crying already, I'll make sure they are in a bit.
Suzy: And there you have it, folks. So happy they're crying. What a moment. Back up to you, Aaron.
Thanks, Suzy. A magical night, indeed. And credit not only needs to go to the players and coaches of Squeezeburg, but also to administrators throughout the area who helped make this happen.
A lot of people scratched their heads when the Virginia High School League divided Group A basketball into two divisions this year, but we're seeing the dividends right now. And Region C principals and athletic directors -- they deserve kudos here, too. Thanks to their new regional playoff structure, all 12 teams in Division 1 make the regionals regardless of their record.
Some argued that this renders the regular season meaningless. But out here on this Squeezeburg floor tonight, I think we've seen that's not the case.
Let's go back down to Suzy, who's caught up with a Squeezeburg player.
Suzy: Thanks, Aaron. I'm here with Squeezeburg sophomore forward Johnny Planteen. Johnny, a team-high four points for you tonight. What an effort.
Johnny: Thank you, ma'am. And I'd like to start by giving a shout-out to my baby's mama, who also happens to be my baby's aunt.
Suzy: That's absolutely appalling.
Johnny: Just kidding! I promised my buddies I'd say that if I ever got interviewed on TV. Wassup, Derrick! Squee-town in da house!
Suzy: You're not making any sense.
Johnny: Sorry.
Suzy: Anyway, your thoughts on making the regionals?
Johnny: Unbelievable, Suzy. A lot of people doubted us. I think all the papers in the area picked us to finish last in our district. One had the nerve to say we'll be lucky to win a game, and my own dad said the same thing. And yeah, maybe they're right about that. But we've done something nobody's done around here in three decades. That's pretty special.
Suzy: Your performance was nothing short of inspiring. Not only those four points, but you also had a rebound.
Johnny: Yeah, and I should have had an assist, too, which would have given me my first triple-single. Remember when I threw that fast-break pass to Steve Wilkinmeyer? Wide open under the basket? Sure, he launched the ball over the backboard, but I still think it should count.
Suzy: It does in our hearts, Johnny. It does in our hearts. Talk if you would about this turnaround your team has fashioned.
Johnny: Well, a lot of credit has to go to our equipment manager, Norman. He made sure we had matching uniforms to wear tonight. I can't stress enough how key that was.
Suzy: Anyone else?
Johnny: Coach Ruff, of course. A bunch of us thought tonight's game was at 8, but coach called each one of us individually to remind us it was actually 7:30. That was huge. We don't show up on time, Suzy, there's no way we make the regionals.
Suzy: Gotta be happy for your coach, huh? He's waited a long time for this.
Johnny: Oh, yeah. For years this has been the goal of the program. Although he's been acting pretty weird in the locker room. He was throwing a trash can when I went in there earlier.
Suzy: Thanks, Johnny. And there you have it, folks. So happy they're throwing trash cans. Back to you, Aaron.
Thanks, Suzy. I must admit I'm getting a little teary-eyed right now.
That's all for today's broadcast. One programming reminder: We will not be showing any more Squeezeburg games until the Region C playoffs begin.
But they all matter.
Really.
