McFarling: To heck with it, anybody but Duke

There are two types of people in this world.

There are those of us who want to see Duke do great. They are plentiful.

And then there those of us who have a heart, who love children and puppies and kittens and four-leaf clovers and unexpected marathons of “The Simpsons.” Those of us who think good things happen to good people, that a stitch in time really does save nine. Those of us who look at the spilled milk and say “I won’t cry over that.”

Not everyone is that way.

Duke fan: “Watch me: I’m gonna catch this fly.”

Neutral observer: “Nice! How do you plan to lure it?”

Duke fan: “Vinegar!”

Yes, this ACC Tournament is the Duke Haters Ball. I don’t care if you like Virginia, Miami, Virginia Tech, the Puerto Rican national team in the World Baseball Classic — you hate Duke, and you want to see Duke get beat this week.

I am with you.

No, not because I graduated from the University of Maryland. That could be a good enough reason provided Maryland didn’t turn it over a zillion times a game. That might lead me to believe the Terps could actually win this ACC Tournament. They cannot.

Neutral observer: “That cloud … I know it’s dark, but do you see what I see? It’s almost — I don’t know, perhaps silver — in its brilliance? You see it?”

Duke fan: “Nope. Shut up, jerk.”

And no, it’s not because I cover the teams in Virginia. The Hokies are in last place. They lost to the Blue Devils this year, and they didn’t just lose. They lost 88-56 — in Blacksburg. Honey or vinegar, that’s a tail-whippin’ on toast.

And no, it’s not because I think UVa necessarily deserves a title. Here is what the Twitter account @UVaBasketball inexplicably put out there Wednesday: “Beat NCST for all the wahoos who are fighting cancer and want to see one more run!”

Yikes. Wolfpack fans get cancer, too, don’t they? And don’t they deserve the same consideration?

This is a why we need to start a nonsecular movement. A collective movement. A movement that appreciates history — the history that has Duke winning this thing all the time — and doesn’t want to see a repeat of said history. A movement that just says: “To heck with it. Anybody but Duke.”

You in? Membership costs zero dollars. The warranty has “infinity” written all over it. You can hate them, and you can be happy.

I understand if you’re reluctant. You might be thinking “Coach K is a decent guy. Look at all his wins. And he’s helped capture two gold medals for our country. What more could you want out of a man?”

Here’s what: Lay off the daggone court-stormers. Lose in Charlottesville, and give a ridiculous speech about floor safety? Nice try, fella.

I don’t court-storm anymore, because I am old, but the youngsters should get the same privilege I got when I was their age (one football field storming after team improved to 4-0, then didn’t make a bowl; dang, my alma mater needs to step up).

All of our alma maters need to step up. If you went to UVa, let me hear you. N.C. State? Same thing. Same with FSU and North Carolina and Clemson and Wake and BC and anybody else out there who might be listening.

Duke fan: “That and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee!”

Neutral observer: “I believe it’s ‘a quarter.’ And fill it up for me this week, will ya?”

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