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For many years my wife, Marty, I and our faithful crew have campaigned the Blunderbuss, our beloved ancient J-24. “Blunderbuss” is what I consider to be a lucky name because of incident that occurred long, long ago (see “What’s in a Name” July 12, 2000). The Blunderbuss has been AWOL for two seasons in the BYRA racing schedule, but we are planning to re-enter the competition this fall, which begins Sept. 11. Because of a recent inspiration, however, we have renamed the Blunderbuss “Walter the Farting Dog,” the title of my now favorite book by Glenn Murray, William Kotzwinkle and Audrey Coleman, which I frequently read (with appropriate embellishments) to my seven grandchildren. The book has caused so much hilarity with my grandchildren that I thought the name would be appropriate because of all the hilarity we cause during our races. (If you are intrigued by the title, the book is on the display rack in the front window at the Cantos Bookstore on the Square in downtown Roanoke.) For those of you with total recall of the Skipper’s anthology … yes, I did do the mandatory 12-step name change ritual including the requirements for drunkenness, nudity and lewdity, so the name IS official. In sailing, any wind is better than no wind (see “The Wind Done Gone” 7/27/2001), and given the new name, I expect to be the appropriate beneficiary of a “breaking wind,” a “big gust of wind,” a “ripping breeze,” and perhaps even a “foul wind.” I also expect to be the butt of snickering comments from my competitors, all of whom have locker room mentalities. So, out with BLUNDERBUSS, and in with “WALTER, THE FARTING DOG!!!” BOOK REVIEW: “WALTER THE FARTING DOG” by Glenn Murray, William Kotzwinkle and Audrey Coleman, published by North Atlantic Books ($15.95 at Cantos). This treasure of a children’s book is a must have/must read addition to the library of any grandfather who loves to read to grandchildren. The ideal combination is a grandfather reading to grandsons who are 4 to 6 years old. The subject is, of course, generally off-limits to polite discourse, which makes the reading by a grandmother to granddaughters not nearly as much fun. In my long experience, including four years at VMI and seven years in the Army, the subject matter is generally considered to be “guy humor” and generally scorned by females of all ages (“OH!! GROSS!!”). There are polite ways of referring to farting, including rectal flatulence, gaseous discharge and other scientific or medical terms, all of which surface in this book. There are also broad themes of tolerance, acceptance, forgiveness and making the best of a bad situation, all of which provide good moral fabric for a children’s book. Without spoiling the ending, Walter is first rescued, then embraced, loved, then disdained, and is near banishment when he becomes heroic as good (gas) triumphs over evil, and even farting dogs have their day. The artwork is superb and even a little bizarre as on every page there is a small spider, which has no relationship to the story whatsoever. There is a sequel, “Walter the Farting Dog -- Trouble at the Yard Sale,” but like most sequels, it does not measure up to the original story. Read “Walter The Farting Dog” and read it out loud … with embellishments … it gets Skipper’s highest rating of five stars out of five. From Australia, Glyn writes: “Could you send me boat renaming procedure? Many thanks.” Glyn had apparently read the column about changing the name Blunderbuss to “Walter the Farting Dog.” I answered as follows: The first and most essential step is to obtain approval of the proposed new name. You must send a photograph of the stern of the subject vessel showing the current name, the proposed new name, with both actual and phonetic spellings, along with an etymological tracing of the proposed name, to the BSVA (Bureau of Sailing Vessel Appellations) c/o The Skipper, PO Box 5348, Martinsville, VA 24115. The application must be accompanied by one quart of Mt. Gay rum, or, in the alternative, a Mt Gay regatta cap. The Commodore of the Bureau will consider the application, and advise the applicant of the decision of the Bureau following the annual meeting, which is normally held in Key West on All Hallows Eve. If the proposed name is approved, instructions as to the required 12 step protocol for implementing the change will be furnished at that time. For planning purposes, however, you will need at least 6 credible (photogenic-female) witnesses to verify by sworn affidavit that the required ritual and ceremony was strictly carried out, a video camera, and a large quantity of Mt. Gay rum and water based lubricants…thanks for your inquiry…bg (aka: “The Skipper”)…p.s….g’day mate. Always a pleasure to answer mail. |
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