Life in Germany, and beyond

Hallo. Guten abend!

I have been in Germany since Saturday night, and I’m starting to get used to the change. The weather is so fantastic! Last night, it was actually cool enough to need a jacket outdoors and we even witnessed a steady rain. I’ve finally started to sleep deeply again. It’s so quiet in my apartment except for the babbling brook which is hypnotic and just accents the peace and quiet more than disturbs it. All of the things around me seem to make me feel content and happy. The light weather, food and drink, jeans and t-shirts, satin sheets over a bed large enough to turn over in, German coffee in the mornings, American children playing, dogs being walked, and just a general feeling that our world in Iraq was make-believe. The rest of the world just kept on going while we were deployed, and that is a comforting thing to know! In fact, the more days that I am here, the more I feel like my time in Iraq was a chapter that will be easy to distance ourselves from. There are no similarities between these two worlds, which is why it’s sort of a surreal surprise to keep running into friends that I made while down range. I find myself thinking, “Wow, I can’t believe I ran into so-and-so!” In my current spot here in Germany, it would be easy to just tear that page of the story away for a time if I weren’t constantly reminded by the other soldiers around me who were also there. In fact, I attended the memorial service for SGT West and SPC Wilson today, and although it was a very emotional and touching ceremony for some, I felt nearly nothing emotionally. It just feels like that all happened to someone else, if that makes any sense.

Anyhow, the night we arrived, my friends Rob and Andrea met me at the gym on Straussberg Kasserne (the small post where 1-94 FA is located) and took me back home right after the brief 10-minute ceremony. It was difficult for me to hold back my emotions, because the soldiers’ spouses were waiting anxiously in the gym bleachers loudly cheering and screaming their husbands’ names as we were marched in and were placed into formation, facing them. As everyone quieted down, the Chaplain led a prayer of thanks for our safe return, and then the National Anthem was played, followed by the Army Song. Then the Commander boomed out with the highly anticipated command of, “DISMISSED!” and everyone yelled, “Hooah!” and ran to their wives and children (and even a couple of dogs were there!). It was a powerful reunion, and I had empathy-emotions for them. Everyone was crying, it seemed. Then I saw Rob and Andrea running over to me, arms open and smiling. Andrea was crying and Rob’s hands were shaking as he took our pictures together. It was so good to see them and we immediately started telling stories and laughing, just like before. They had a beer waiting for me and Rob bought me groceries (can you believe it!?) to cook supper for me, even though it was nearly 3 a.m.! They were so terrific. As we walked into my apartment, and I started looking around at my things curiously, my other neighbors, Tom, Gabriel, and some other guy showed up on their way home from the bar down the street. They were quite rambunctious, and reminded me that I was really tired and still in my uniform. I took a shower and didn’t last but a few minutes beyond that before signing off to my luxurious bed. I slept like a rock. And since then, things have only gotten better.

I hope to go and visit 1SG Bartnick for his 40th birthday on the 6th of August, but I’m not sure that he’s going to be in the country. His kids are staying in the States with their grandmother, and I know he’s planning on traveling to visit them.

By the way, do you know that all the airlines over here nearly doubled their prices when they found out that we were coming back from Iraq??? 30,000 soldiers home to Germany, and since we had no guarantees that we were coming home, no one could buy their tickets in advance. So, there are no discounts available, and the average soldier is paying between $1,500 and $4,000 to get round-trip tickets home. I think that sucks and it makes me bitter about those businesses that have stood to financially gain from this war (like KBR). I may have to write my Congressman about that one. It’s just wrong. No military discounts. Bah humbug.

I have not watched much of the news or read the paper since I got home, but I’m sure that I will find my interest again soon. I’m just tired of the entire ordeal down there in Iraq, and I find that I really DO need a break from it. Although I had some good experiences there and met some wonderful people, it is not the time in my life that I want to focus on this week. I have talked to several other military guys since I got back, and we all seem to feel the same….. You know, “Let’s talk about something else besides Iraq.” So, I think that we all agree that it’s time to compartmentalize the years’ events and try and find some normalcy again instead of analyzing everything that we experienced while there. Don’t forget that soldiers in 1-94 had to kill and witness some awful crimes against humanity, and that is a lot to mentally process in a place like Germany, where everyone seems to be happy and ignorant of the Middle East. It’s just like it never happened, yet I think we all know that that isn’t exactly the mentally healthy approach to it all. It’s enough for this week though. A person can only take in so many new things at a sitting. I’m feeling pleasantly overwhelmed by the lovely details of this here and now, and I’m going with the flow.

For the short-term future, I am taking a trip to Rome in a couple of weeks. I bought the tour book a few days ago and am getting tips from others here about how to see it at its best. Also, all of my household goods are arriving this Friday, which thrills me. I will finally have my clothes again in addition to my furniture, art, kitchen utensils and tools, treadmill, big-screen TV and stereo, etc., etc., etc. I will finally have all of my THINGS and I can’t wait because it’s going to be a surprise to see which things I decided to move here. (The majority of my household goods are in permanent storage in Alabama, because I thought I was going to have a Hansel and Gretel house—you know, too small for much of anything—I was WRONG—my apartment is a penthouse) I’ve been living like a pauper in it though, waiting for this to arrive. I lived out of a suitcase from October 2003 until February 2004 when I deployed, and now it’s all turned up and is ready for delivery. Now my place will feel like home for sure. It’s strange to think that it was almost a year ago when I packed it all up. This year has just flown by. Nothing really new there though. The Army seems to make each year different and unique from the one to the next: it’s always an adventure.

As far as the somewhat long-term future goes for me, I will stay in 1-94 FA for another two months or so, and then I will change units to transfer to 47th Forward Support Battalion in Baumholder. I will be in charge of a Missile Maintenance Platoon, which supports all of the Bradley Fighting Vehicles for 2nd Brigade Combat Team. It’s a much bigger job for me, and I’m looking forward to it. The mission for 1-94 FA will be relaxed but steady through Christmas, and then in January, the field training exercises begin. At both 1-94 and 47th, we will train, train, and train until we start to prepare next summer to redeploy to Iraq for another year. In between all of those events, I want to tour as much of Europe as I can in addition to sliding a few more of my night school classes in to finish my Bachelor’s Degree. I like to stay busy and keep things in a constant state of panic, just to keep the momentum going!

You know, as I sit here realizing that this is kind of my “summary” of my tour in Iraq, I wish that I had more wisdom to convey. I know I learned a lot about the Army and about camaraderie between soldiers and grateful Iraqis, but I’m not sure if there are any good summaries that I can write about our mission there. I don’t understand it all either. I really wish that I could tell you about deep spiritual lessons that I learned, but right now, I just feel so numb to it, and I apologize for not really feeling a climactic ending and telling it to you. It just feels like a big Department of Defense circle to me right now, and thinking about having to go back there, when I just walked in the door to Germany —well, it just makes me feel deflated. I had some fun while I was there though, I admit it. I loved being able to stay in touch with you all through e-mail. I loved being invited to be a part of The Roanoke Times website and newspaper. That truly made a difference in how I saw things around me—you know, always looking for something interesting to write to you guys about! It kind of kept me moving forward mentally, if that makes a lick of sense. Plus, I met some great people through the bulletin board that just may be pen pals for life. It allowed me to introduce some real characters to you as well, like 1SG Bartnick, SGT Stone, and Doc Swaims. I like being able to share them with you. They are some of the reasons why I stay in the Army.

Well, I get my internet hooked up in my apartment in about a week, so I will be able to e-mail with you regularly then. Thank you so much for all that you’ve done for me and for the other soldiers while we’ve been deployed. I love you guys, and I promise to call soon. I just signed on for a long-distance plan of 4 cents a minute to the States! That’s better than the rates I had from Alabama!

It’s late in the day, and I am going out to dinner with Tom and my neighbors tonight, so I am going to have to end the letter. I need to get out of this uniform and into some jeans.

Take care, and thanks again for everything.

Beth