|
|
||||
Virginia's Real Politics
|
||||
Bovine scatThe shakedown game
July 22, 2002 -- "Because that’s where the money is." --Willie Sutton The very nerve. I never! Not only are Republican members of the House of Delegates going to keep the money Former Speaker Vance Wilkins gave them during the last campaign cycle, but, like little Oliver facing the Beadle, they want more! More! Used to be they would bow and scrape in his presence, would fawn and pet on him like he was the favorite house cat (no pun intended). Now they won’t touch him with a 10-foot pole for fear of catching political leprosy. What they will do, shamelessly, is hook a bucket onto the end of that pole and, from a distance, ask him to dump in his last George Washington! Members of the House Republican Caucus, bottom lips pouted out smooth and pink, have asked Wilkins to hand over some $170,000, what's left in his PAC account, because -- sniffle, sniffle -- that money was given for the purpose of electing more Republicans! R-e-a-l-l-y? Why, how nice! Isn't that just swell? What planet did you say you were from? If, in nature, running water follows the path of least resistance, in politics, money follows the path of highest return. Vance Wilkins sat atop the mountain in that regard. So will the next speaker. Here’s the thing, here’s where the wheels come off the whiny argument: it is not a matter of party, but, rather, of highest return. It is a matter of power. Make no mistake, Wilkins was particularly good at the shakedown move (and, perhaps, in the end, victim to it). And he was particularly up front about it. Ask the moneybags that hang around capitol square. If Democratic speakers left the messengers of the money corps walking around with their arms in slings, and they did, Wilkins put them in body casts. The message was a simple one. Contribute or else. So some of the peddlers of influence were offended. Okay. Did they still pony up? You bet your life they did. Check the records at the Virginia Public Access Project . Or here’s a better one: check the contribution records of some of the folks who subsequently condemned his behavior, publicly and privately. Ask yourself: Why would a lobbyist give money to a Speaker of the House whose behavior he/she finds objectionable? Ask them. See what they tell you. So Vance could elect more Republicans? BOVINE SCAT!!! (By Gawd, this is a fambly oriented column!) The same money would have found its way to a Rastafarian speaker. There has been a seismic shift in Richmond. The river of cash will find a new course to run. Let’s see: Any bets on to whom it will run? Okay. I’ll give you a hint. Watch Bill Howell’s campaign contributions filings over the next year or so. So, what about those doe-eyed innocents who’re asking for the rest of Vance’s cash? Do they not know how things work? I hate to burst your bubble, but they do—more than you ever will. Why do you think there is so much jockeying for some committee seats? Statesmanship? Idealism? Yeah. Un-huh. What’s the best committee to sit on, in terms of enhancing your fundraising prowess? Corporations, Insurance and Banking. Hands out. I mean, down. Hands down. Why is that? Ask Willie. Willie Sutton knew. So what should Vance do with the money? My top ten suggestions: No.10 Take an overseas junket with Ybarra and DuVall. A hundred and seventy grand should cover a long weekend. No. 9 Extend Gilmore’s unemployment benefits. No. 8 Hire George Allen to come to a meeting and give you some advice. That should cover about three hours. No. 7 Send your friends in the caucus who stuck with you in your darkest hour a grand apiece. That should leave about $168,000. No. 6 Pay Jack Reid’s tuition to Charm School. It’ll take several trips. (Loveya, Jack. Mean it.) No. 5 Settle 17 more cases out of court. No. 4 Buy the rights to that Warren Zevon tune and make it the official song of the Republican Party. You know the one: “Send lawyers, guns and money. The xxxx has hit the fan.” No. 3 Donate the money to a group that knows how to govern. Send it to the Democratic Party. No. 2 My address is: 604 Braswell Drive, Meadows of Dan, Virginia 24120 AND THE No. 1 SUGGESTION IS Mount (sorry, pun intended) a comeback! |
|
|||
|
|
||||
|
|
 |