You know it had to happen sooner or later. You know Doug Wilder. This guy would crash a Tupperware party if that’s what it took to make the papers. Monday he stepped up with Sen. George Allen and Attorney General Jerry Kilgore (let’s call them the Three Blind Mice) and suggested that lawmakers Virginians have elected to govern this state shirk their responsibilities and punt the budget ball into a referendum.

Keep in mind that this is the same Doug Wilder who championed a $60 million ‘bed tax’ on nursing homes in 1992. Keep in mind that this is the same George Allen doing everything he can to run up a world record deficit on the national level. Keep in mind that this is the same Jerry Kilgore who advocates saddling Virginians with an additional $1 billion in debt.

If the press conference brought to mind a freak show on the midway -- and it did -- consider the carnival barker in this one -- Paul ‘Step-right-up-and-make-a-fool-of-yourself’ -- Goldman, one-time aide to Wilder and in incessant search of a new mentor, and relevance, every day since. Goldman wired the referendum thing coast-to-coast, but credit him, too, with proving that Jerry Kilgore has not gone missing, that he is, in fact, still alive. Well, sorta.

Kilgore showed up in his best panic clothes (Where you been, Jerry?) and auditioned for ‘Chicken Little,’ and stunningly, too, I might add. And, of course, Gilmore phoned in and mumbled something about the car tax. Doesn’t he always? Calm down, Jim. We still remember you. There. There. Don’t you fret. Of course, you used to be governor, too. Of course you should have been invited. They were just being mean.

Not to be outdone by Kilgore’s boffo ‘Chicken Little’ gig, House Speaker Bill Howell put on a blazing quick-change artist act. (Careful here. You’ll get whiplash!) Howell, who poo-pooed Delegate Kirk Cox’s suggestion on a tax referendum a month ago, said “Maybe so. Maybe so,” Monday. (But, hey! Don’t be too hard on Bill. A month ago, folks were still letting him think he ran the House.)

To House Republicans contemplating the disaster-in-the-making that failure to reach a budget accord will mean on March 13, the day the legislature should go home, Richmond must feel these days like Baghdad. The looting hasn’t started yet, and there is not a long stream of fleeing refugees, but give them time. It is not too late for that. Give the Republican mind-set in the House a couple of more weeks to work its magic.

(Hey, House folks! There is a bright side! Budget failure two out of three tries ain’t all that bad! It’s better than you do on most everything else!)

Meanwhile, at the other end of the state capitol, Lt. Gov. Tim Kaine waxed biblical with indignation that would have made Mel Gibson proud. Leaders of the Virginia Senate rejected as irresponsible the idea of a referendum. And upstairs, on the third floor, serene determination prevailed. Gov. Mark Warner declined to participate in ‘government by shirk.’

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, they got worse Tuesday when Howell took the Goldman bait, stepped up, and drew a line in the sand. Said he: “Impasse or referendum.” Problem is, he forgot to clear those sentiments with the House Republican caucus. Insiders say Howell’s belligerence caught Republican house members flat-footed, that there had been no discussion of that strategy, that those words had not been used.

On Wednesday Callahan confirmed the miscue publicly when he disavowed the speaker’s ultimatum and signaled that it was time for house and senate conferees to get to work on the budget, which they did Thursday. By week’s end, a sense of calm was settling on over Capitol Square, but a new issue was coursing through a lot of minds.

Howell’s herky-jerky performance left lots of folks wondering how much longer he’ll remain as speaker. When, and if, he gets through scraping all that egg off his face, maybe he’ll have a word to say on that.

Until then, stop the presses! This just in! Gilmore and Wilder -- Wilder! -- may be suiting up!