Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy, clums--eeeeeee!

You would have thought that George Allen had gotten up and put his boots on the wrong feet.

First, he sprang breathlessly, indignantly to Sen. Lott’s defense. “It is unacceptable to … try to pin the sins of the past on the leaders of the present,” he opined in a letter to The Virginian Pilot.

Here’s what he had to say two days later:

“President Bush was right when he said that Senator Lott’s remarks were ‘offensive’ and that they ‘do not reflect the spirit of our country’. I could not agree more … That is why I feel we must speak strongly now as both elected officials and leaders. Senator Lott must understand that his comment was offensive to many Americans …”

It warms my heart when a great American speaks his mind -- both of them.

And then the good senator got it right. Finally. Got in cahoots with some of the other statesmen and put the rollers under Lott. Allen took the cue and found his footing. ‘Bout time.

The question now is what is he going to do about that $10,000 campaign contribution Sen. Lott’s PAC gave him. Will he keep the money or give it back? Sen. Warner, who helped engineer the heave-ho, might be thinking about the same dilemma. Lott pitched in five grand to Virginia’s senior senator during his last cake-walk to re-election.

What did Dubya have to say about that? Did you boys tell him? Dubya going to let ya’ll keep it?

How do you repudiate the man but not his money?

And what about Lott? What’s the plan now? Ya’ll just going to try to hide him now? Pretend he’s not there?

Want my advice, George? I thought so.

The first thing to do is to get yourself some dancing shoes. For real, man. You’re going to hurt yourself stumbling around in those cowboy boots. Get you a pair of something you can tap and soft shoe in. Something you can slip on in the dark without fumbling so much when word comes the next time that the deal is reversing field. I don’t know what good dancing shoes cost. But it couldn’t be all that much.

If you decide to keep Lott’s money, that $10,000 he gave you, pay for them out of that. Charge them to the campaign. Fact, better get several pair. This might take a while.

Then, too, I think what I’d do is to get one of them neck braces. You know. Like folks been in car wrecks wear. Let Lott’s money pay for that, too. I mean, he caused it. Way you jerking back and forth, ‘cause of him, you going to get whiplash if you aren’t careful. Be good to have one of them handy when that happens.

Here’s the other thing. If you decide to give that jack back, maybe Santa Claus will bring them shoes and that brace to you. It’s that time of the year. You know he’s watching. You know he’s making that list.