Committee on Committees?

Barnie Day was a Democratic delegate from Patrick County from his election in 1997 through the 2001 session. A former county administrator and business owner, he is now a banker.

"I do know when the Committee on Committees is looking at different slots, they're going to say, 'Who's helped us? Who's a team player? I think it's going to be remembered. I certainly appreciate it."

Hold on just a minute, Mr. Speaker! Go over that one again. The Committee on Committees?

Seh whut?

I guess I might be losing a step or two in this game, Mr. Speaker. I don't quite "remember" that one.

(But, hey, I'm probably behind on a lot of stuff. Ya'll did sort out that business of keeping your caucus meetings closed, didn't you? And merit selection of judges? And non-partisan redistricting? And all that other stuff you used to carp about?)

There is a committee of public officials that makes the House's committee appointments?

Bless your heart, Mr. Speaker! What an enlightened way to go about stuff like that!

(I always thought you, and other Speakers, were just mean ol' bullies when it came to committee assignments! My apologies, Sir! Stupid me!)

Say, what's something like that cost, you know, a good committee seat? How much jack does somebody have to come up with to be, shall we say -- no, in fact, you did say -- "remembered?"

Is it cash only? How 'bout plastic? Those air miles add up, you know! Do ya'll have your new price list out yet? Any two-fers anywhere? Any 'happy hour' equivalents? White sales? Ladies nights?

How does that work, anyway? Is it a bid thing? Like an auction? Have you got a layaway plan, you know, like at Christmas? How 'bout gift certificates?

You ought to think about that one. Let's say I wanted to buy a pal a good seat somewhere. Or how 'bout getting a lobbyist to pony up for one?

(Talk about fooling somebody with a present! They'd think it was just some plain ol' card! Imagine opening that baby up and finding a seat on Appropriations! You think that'd make Mama happy, or what!)

How 'bout trade-ins? You take trade-ins? Let's say I wanted to swap Counties, Cities and Towns for Transportation. How much boot would it take? You finance it for me?

If you want to know the truth, the one I'd be interested in would be this Committee on Committees. Doesn't sound to me like you even have to be a legislator to be on that one. Anything in the rules book about it? Is this a buy-sell thing, too? What's that one cost?

Not that I'm all that particular about the company I keep, but who are the members of this committee? When and where does it meet? Are the meetings open? Are the meeting times and places publicly posted? Are they subject to the state's open meetings law? How about the Freedom of Information Act? Can I FOIA you and have these questions answered?

(Hey, just kidding! You know I'd never FOIA you, Mr. Speaker! Not me!)

And what about that power-sharing deal? You know, the proportional representation deal? Are there any Democratic seats on the Committee on Committees?

I know you're busy this time of year, but if you do get a chance, drop me a line and sorta let me know what my chances would be on this one.

Woah! Look at me! Out of time! Gotta go! Where does the time go! Hard to believe that there're only 57 shopping days left until the session starts!

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