What’s the matter with ya’ll? Can’t you at least wait until the session starts before you stumble? Good grief!

You know, ya’ll keep up this string of debacles you’ve got going and sooner or later the good folks of Virginia are going to realize what some of us have known from the beginning.

Whose bright idea was it to write down all the details of this "Mandatory Assessment Program?" You need to make whoever is responsible for that beauty put the ‘Stupid’ hat on and go stand in the corner.

When you write stuff like that down, you know what happens. Oooooh. It ain’t pretty, Mr. Speaker.

Listen, the shakedown game is an old one. Political chiefs have been making their Indians pay to play for a long time. But here’s the thing, Mr. Speaker. They were subtle about it. The wink. The nod. The locked stare. The arm around the shoulders. The voice intonation. They didn’t have to even articulate the words, much less write them down.

You think Vance Wilkins would have been caught in a trap like this? Not in a thousand years. Did he raise the money? Boatloads of it. How do you think ya’ll got the majority to begin with?

I know what you’re thinking, Mr. Speaker. These other guys didn’t have to work with this crowd you’ve got. And that’s a good point. I’m surprised you stopped at writing it down. It’s a wonder you didn’t have to draw some of them a picture.

What’s with this "mandatory" business, anyway? I thought ya’ll were strictly a union-busting crowd. Now you want to make folks join and pay? Mandatory? Somebody ought to report you to the National Right To Work Committee.

You don’t believe that freely elected representatives of the people of Virginia ought to be able to come to Richmond and stand on their own hind legs? To speak their mind? Vote their conscience? I guess somebody forgot to get that word to Dick Black and Bob Marshall.

Isn’t it aggravating to have to deal with somebody who is principled, who has conviction? I’ll let you in on a little tip I’ve picked up over the years, Mr. Speaker. Might come in handy to you. Retired Army colonels don’t scare too easy. They don’t jump every time somebody says “boo” to them. None of the ones I’ve known do. And Bob Marshall is ‘fraid o’ nothin’.

And you know what else, Mr. Speaker? I’m starting to like these guys, glassy-eyed right-wingers that they are. The thing about people like them, Mr. Speaker, is that they have a core, a center that you can’t move with dynamite. Even if what they believe is scary, you have to admire the resoluteness, the conviction with which they believe it.

Sure, it looks like Dick bailed on you first, with the memo he sent around and all, the one disavowing this dumb ‘assessment’ idea, but my source tells me, Mr. Speaker, that he and Marshall and several others never bought in to begin with—that, in fact, it never even came to a caucus vote -- that it was just sorta handed down. What’s with that?

I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but that Moses gig has already been done.

And before I forget it, and run out of space here, Mr. Speaker, let me touch on that ‘source’ business. ‘Source’ is a trick code word us crack columnists use to … well … let me explain it like this: I always wondered how it would be to have a ring-side seat at your caucus meetings.

Good luck during the session.

Best,

B. Day

Consider this for your next gift:
A 60,000 word collection of Barnie Day’s commentaries, entitled "A Mule Yule: Hey, Jesus didn’t ride in on an elephant," with an introduction by Jerry Baliles and forewords by Frosty Landon, Larry Sabato, Robert Holsworth,and Bill Wood, is available from the Democratic Party of Virginia. Contact Laura Bland, toll-free, at 1-800-322-1144

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