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Virginia's Real Politics
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A letter from Cornbread
Mark Warner July 29, 2002 Dear Guv’nor: Me and the missus is much obliged for the job you’re doing. We’re even thinking ‘bout givin’ up that partisan business. Trouble is, we’uns is still partisan to eatin’ out this way. ‘Fore you come along, them Republicans was hoggin’ the hog. We’d done got down to sammiches that didn’t have much in ‘em but the squeal. Republicans is so thick ‘round here we have to spray for ‘em every little bit. You know Floyd was the onliest county east of the Mississipp that went for Hoover over Roosevelt in the ’32 ‘lection. Touched in the head, is what my po’ ol’ daddy said. Look here. The reason I take pen to hand is this. Well, actually, they's several things. This ‘lection coming up for Uncle Billy’s seat. We’uns is kin to him. Looks like that ‘torney general done give our seat away. ‘Cording to his recommendation, we’uns ain’t going to have a senator for the next year and a half, while them birds in Fairfax will have two. That boy ain’t turnt out like I thought he would. Got above his raisin’s, if you ask me. Right now he's running off line like one of them big trout in Round Meadow Creek, but he keeps on, we going to set the hook in him. Whichaway is Fairfax? Is that Up Nawth? And a ‘nother thang. You got any more them ‘pointments left, you ‘member ol’ Cornbread. Good as times are, he could still use a guv’ment job. Now what about this Moran fella? That deal stinks worse'n my outhouse. Somebody needs to learn him that you can't borrow yourself out of debt. You stick with Kaine on that one. He's got it right. He calls 'em like he sees 'em. That's the best way. Ain't no use a'tall trying to put lipstick on a hog. My po' ol' daddy learnt me that. And 'member this. You got to get up way ‘fore daylight to get the jump on ol' Cornbread. Who is this Miss Mame, anyhow? The one playing all that chin music? Way it flaps, her lip has not just come unbuttoned, but is 'bout to fly off the hinge, sounds to me like. We'uns out this way know they's trouble ahead. This budget mess and all. What'd you expect after two Republicans? State's coming up short. I know how you feel, Gov'nor. I been coming up short all my life. Here's the thing, though. Here's what I want you to study on. You the Gov'nor. And we going to stay with you. You make the tough calls. You got to take a whipping now and then, take 'em. What I always do. Just take 'em and go on. Don't look back. They don't call that little mirror the rearview for nothing. You look out through the windshield when you driving. Speaking of driving, me and the missus done traded cars! Got us a near’bout new Lincoln Condominium! We’uns’d be proud to drive you in your next parade. You’d look good in that. Hit’s baby blue! A '83 model. Lemme know. Finally, sir, I want you to think about getting yourself a good nickname, something to strike fear in the hearts of your enemies. You see, what ol' Cornbread understands is that most things is perception. Lots of times, even in a scuffle, you can get the jump on the get-go just with the right name. You need one that make folks' blood run cold when they hear it. Since Cornbread is already took, I'd recommend 'Billy Buck'. You let 'em know Billy Buck Warner is climbing in the ring with 'em, and see if that don't shake 'em. Shake 'em 'fore the bell rings and the rest of it is downhill! Best to you and your missus. Call me if you need me. Your friend,
Cornbread Marshall |
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