Emily Paine Carter

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Thanks to the folks who suggested "funeral foods" as a topic. When three even recommended the same book, I finally figured to have a go at it.

Our crunchy-brown-dust of a lawn -- and, even more alarmingly, early falling leaves from gasping trees -- also remind me of fleeting life: "the grass withers ..."

But surely just a few notches below that biblical reassurance of things that do endure is this: Southern hospitality. Why, "comfort me with apples" is right there in the Old Testament!

And so, today's topic, the charming little "Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral." Ladies -- and, ahem, thoughtful gents -- will find plenty in common with our Mississippi Delta brethren and sistren.

This 2005 guide is yet-another entry for my "dang, I could've written that"-list. I recall my current beloved husband guffawing at pans marked "Bereavement Biscuits" in my freezer. An imported Midwesterner, he just did not know how funerals and visitations can crowd our calendars. Why, live here long enough and you'll tally scores of neighbors and friends from your umpteen associations; we are all just one phone call away from needing to deliver a consoling casserole.

Filled as full as a buffet-laden table, the book's trusty recipes, lists of suggested versus unfortunate hymn-choices, observations on different church congregations and amusing -- yes, verily amusing -- anecdotes should remind you of kindly characters right here in the Roanoke Valley ... and the comforting bounty shared In Your Hour of Need.

Why, just look at the guidebook's cover: photos of a reliable bundt cake and deviled eggs! "Stuffed" eggs, prefer authors Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays, who seem to have eavesdropped in my mama's kitchen. Seeing Mama fill the special, indented china platter with that most-digestible potluck staple always prompted my childhood question: "Who died?" Mama only made deviled eggs for such state occasions; bless her heart, she still does -- at 83 and with one working arm (the busted other one has been in a cast almost three years).

The bereaved also seem to appreciate soft drinks, tea and cups -- and some definitely welcome stronger spirits.

I'll never forget my late Aunt Babs Paine's blessed neighbors who arrived at her Southwest Roanoke home within an hour of her passing. They knew just what we needed at that moment: muffins, bagels and hugs.

Great cook and former Salemite Katie Burke Moushegian -- currently of Atlanta, but we hope not forever -- said she also likes to deliver foods less likely to be duplicated, such as a hearty breakfast casserole.

The late Elizabeth Spencer "Dolly" Frantz was known for being the first to arrive with a pan of her famous homemade bran-rolls, perfect balm for any crisis -- or, much more happily, for out-of-town visitors.

Fittingly, after Dolly's death, her family produced a fine tribute to her graciousness: a "Cooking with Dolly" book. As the preface points out, it's filled with her recipes dating to 1926, her notes and familiar local names "just as she wrote and typed them in her card file." Circa 1995, daughter-in-law Thecla Frantz of New Castle made rounds, delivering these treasured books to Dolly's many fans.

So, know that your kindnesses help make this area a fine place to live -- and die. And consider what Mama says: "Would you have attended her party? Then you should go to her funeral."