Emily Paine Carter

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Alex Bentley's recent homework essay sparked my thoughts: How charming! It could be an amusing little intro for a light-hearted Mother's Day column.

(OK, I'm a week early. But some topics just won't budge from my head. Besides, now you have an early shopping reminder for May 13.)

But shortly after proud papa Michael Bentley left Alex's Community School piece on my porch, the terrible thing happened: the massacre at Virginia Tech. And I can't shake the thought of how wrenchingly sad this Mother's Day will be for the newly bereaved.

Somehow, curiously, Alex's funny writing led me to some degree of comfort. It gave me good reason to call his mom, the Rev. Susan Bentley, rector of Roanoke's St. James Episcopal Church.

She e-mailed a message she had delivered in her parish newsletter. Quoting poet John Donne's "No Man Is an Island," she wrote of "our connectedness." And of how words may not "take away the pain and horror of so much tragedy and loss in this world, but we can stand together ... we have each other and we have God."

Her April 22 sermon spoke of the post-tragedy outpouring of "compassion ... of making the healing love of our Risen Lord a reality here and now. [Many people] want to be agents of change for peace and harmony."

Small wonder, then, that Salemites Susan, 53, and Michael, 60, a retired associate professor, are good parents to three wonderful kids: Sarah, 17, Alex, 13, and Matt, 10. Parents whose guidance to the truly important stuff led Alex (then 11) to write a different essay and win the 2005 Nature Conservancy/Random House contest -- for Canada and all of the U.S. He described how his grandparents' Illinois nature preserve has inspired him to donate 10 percent of his earnings from lemonade stands and pet-sitting to nature conservation groups.

Alex has also spent money on his pet snakes: a hobby that qualifies tolerant Susan for sainthood, yes?

Aside from the reptile indulgence, she sounds like a strict mother: "Say 'no' to your children more often than you think you should," she e-mailed me. She ensures that the kids are well-rested (her "major mantra") and well-behaved (thanks to her "act, don't yack" parenting strategy: immediately enact the consequences for any poor behavior).

Maybe such rules prompted Alex's playful homework essay: He confessed that he once wished "Mom would just go break a leg or something ... but for me it came true." His "Ten Reasons Why You DON'T Want Your Mom to Break a Leg" shows why he regrets that wish: having to do "ALL of the chores"; Mom is "ALWAYS" home to "monitor every thing we do"; being embarrassed by her "weird knee scooter" when he is chatting with some girls; Dad's cooking.

Kids will get over such annoyances. Susan's leg will heal. The "tincture of Time" -- my Daddy's words -- may ease our pain.

Still, whenever I shuffle off this mortal coil, I might ask about that Monday in my little exit interview with the Almighty.

Until then, I'll heed Susan's advice: "Live each day to the fullest ... Do not substitute material 'things' for being together as a family ... tell your children and spouse 'I love you' as often as possible."

You know why.