Emily Paine Carter

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"Regrets, I've had a few ... but then again, too few to mention." Ha. When the late crooner Mr. Sinatra sang about his few "regrets," was he chuckling behind his famous blue eyes?

Well, I surely could not sing about my "few" regrets -- or mistakes.

Anyhow, I'm here to tidy up a messy little corner of this Front Porch. Apologizing for the previous week's goof could create a never-ending column; I try to avoid that.

Before we get to my apologies, thanks to all the readers who shared coincidences, even if off the record -- as was the case with neighbor Lisa Bond's amazing list of same-day birthdays.

I appreciated -- really, I did -- alert reader Rob Miles, who immediately spotted the Barker family's omission from my "Broad Street is lined with coincidences" column. George and Betsy Barker reared three boys in our neighborhood, qualifying them for inclusion on the list of neighbors with three boys or three girls.

Since Rob is kin to the Barkers, he knew for whose names to check. When I told him how that omission happened -- my "operator malfunction" -- he needed no convincing. He is my computer guru; I could picture him nodding at my technological failure.

I had been in a mad frenzy of computer cut-copy-paste, then neglected to hit that danged save button.

Also not saved from omission was a line about Sandy Garden. During our childhoods, Sandy and basset hound Sherlock had lived next door to my family; now he, wife Barbara (of the Broad Street Barbaras) and basset hound Shylock live across from my house.

So, I apologize. Many days it seems that my computer simply allows me to make more mistakes faster. Really, my skills -- and I use that term loosely -- would have fit better in some past century. Give me paper, scissors, crayons and a vat of school glue.

In past years I have prided myself on fielding grammar and spelling questions and picayune proofreading. One of my favorite catches was in a newspaper just prior to printing: a caption referred to then-Gov. Charles Robb and his "wide" Lynda.

I've groaned over the misuse of "it's" for "its." On Olde Salem Days I've had friendly little chats with vendors regarding "The Smiths" vs. "The Smith's" vs. "The Smiths' " on mailboxes and signs.

I've grimaced over the misuse of "all/not all." Say, why a line should read "Not all that glitters is gold," rather than the familiar "All that glitters is not gold."

Late Georgia humorist and journalist Lewis Grizzard said it may be possible to have a newspaper with no mistakes -- but it would cost $3.50. Other journalists follow this sound policy: "If your mother says she loves you, check it out."

However, it's easier to find mistakes in other folks' writing, not one's own. (Just ask my editors.)

Some of my typos are amusing, perhaps even apt: "the accussed" (when we swear at the accused) and "attornery" (say, when you are vexed with your ex's annoying lawyer).

Former Roanoke College English teacher Zeb Hooker keeps many scrapbooks filled with students' chuckle-worthy mistakes.

Why not admit our little goofs, then laugh at our silly selves?

Still, I'll never belt out that "My Way" song. My singing anything would be a big mistake -- and that is no laughing matter.