Cornershot

I am so law-abiding that I’ve only had one traffic ticket in my life. That was 25 years ago, and I was framed.

And yet, somehow, I always manage to run afoul of lifeguards. I like to float facedown in pools, and when I’m in a lake, to also swim way out.

OK, way, way, way out, like, where I’m closer to the people in the boats than to the ones on the beach. I can’t think of anything more relaxing, and yet, whenever I do it, there’s always some lifeguard telling me not to.

I think they are worrying needlessly. Not to disparage my figure too much, but my maker has endowed me with natural pontoons — both fore and aft — so I could float for days, as long as someone fed me. But lying on my back strains my neck, so I roll over every once in a while, and that’s when I get in trouble.

I can see their point. Neither the lifeguards nor I know when a stroke or heart attack might send me to Davy Jones’ Locker.

Maybe I should carry a flag that says “I’m still breathing.” If I ever let it go, that would be their cue to come rescue me.

Two flags would be even better. The second one would say: “Bring lunch!"

Weather Journal

2 days ago

1. Britney Spears spotted at Lynchburg restaurant

2. One person injured in Friday night shooting in Roanoke

3. Roanoke resource officer's quick action saved young girl

4. East Carolina poses new challenge for Virginia Tech football 

5. Lowe's tapes may hold clues to Roanoke woman's death

6. William Byrd stuns Salem in football win

7. Roanoke County electrical short quiets 5 Wheeler radio stations

8. Captive in Roanoke County describes harrowing time with angry friend

9. Concert review: Timeless Willie Nelson plays to appreciative crowd

10. History says this one will matter for Virginia Tech