Article Index: Career Coach | Life at Work | WorkWise
Monday, August 30, 2010
Joyce Richman: Fight, flight both rooted in fear
Even the most sure-footed and even-tempered person can be thrown off balance when looking for work in this tight job market.
The most sure-footed and even-tempered person can be thrown off balance when looking for work in this tight job market. The longer you look, the more stressed you get. That throws the doors open to fear. Once it makes its way in, fear hijacks your state of mind and hides what you need most: confidence, courage, focus and determination.
In its place, fear wants to sell you two really bad alternatives: fight or flight. If you're buying one or the other, it's costing you a bundle.
Check out this common scenario:
"I'm all fight. My nerves are so shot I jump at people all the time — my family and my friends. I know they're just trying to help me, but when they're talking at me all I am hearing is that I messed up and they know better than I. I just want them to be quiet. When they don't, I get mad and they back off and leave me alone, at least for a while."
Equally as common:
"I'm all flight. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to ask questions or answer them. I don't want to answer the door or the phone. I don't want to go anywhere, with anyone. I want to be left alone."
Families may cut you some slack when you reject or disrespect their advice or opinions, or when you hide from them. Employers want no part of that. Here are some snippets of what they say on the subject:
"I've interviewed both types — those who fight and those who take flight — and I don't want either of them. The fighters are aggressive. It's on their faces and in their body language. They walk in ready for an argument and turn everything into a debate or a showdown. I've got enough problems. I don't need them.
"The flighters' don't talk, and when they do, they don't say anything of substance. They're passive. They don't ask questions. They don't show interest or energy. They don't give us any reason to hire them."
And what would these interviewers recommend to applicants who feel backed into a corner, who want to hide or come out swinging?
The fighters need to get a grip and count to 10 before they even think about answering questions. Interviewers aren't out to get them, they're just trying to find the best match for the job. When interviewers ask questions about weaknesses, mistakes or reasons the last job didn't work out, they're interested in what you have to say. Everyone, at one time or another, runs into a bad patch. Interviewers aren't interested in excuses. They want to know what you think, what you know and how you can help them get the job done.
The flighters need to trust themselves and others. They may be a good match for the job the employer needs to fill. They may not be. If they aren't, it's not personal. It's about matching skills and strengths to the job that must be done. If they don't match this one, they'll match another. But to be a competitor, they have to be ready to stay in the game, engage and play to win.
Joyce Richman is a career coach, leadership development consultant, and author of "Getting Your Kid Out of the House and Into a Job" and "Roads, Routes & Ruts: A Guidebook for Career Success". You can read her blog at www.richmanresources.com or call 3P Career at (540) 989-0046.
