Dear Bernice,

I know that you are struggling right now and this is why I felt compelled to write so I can share some advice.

As you are aware, all of my life I had the burning desire to teach. Yet, growing up in a black community where there were very few opportunities and no resources, I felt I could not go to college, so I didn't.

This desire lingered in my heart for many years and finally at the age of 32, I made the decision to get a degree so I could teach. It was a difficult decision because I didn't know if I had the skills necessary to meet the demands of college classes. Putting this aside, there were more difficult questions and challenges. Where would I get the money? What impact would this have on my family? What if ...?

But somehow we could see the greater good. I did go on to obtain my teaching degree and even a master's and some additional course work beyond a master's. It all boiled down to making the first step.

Yes, you are a poor, black female with few experiences, but don't allow that to stop you from achieving your dream of become a teacher. If I did it at the age of 32, then you can do it at the age of 20.

Please trust me when I say if you make the first step God will have someone there waiting to help you. Go to your local community college and there will be someone to help you make the first step. Work hard. Apply yourself. Be determined. Stay focused. Never give up -- even when the naysayer makes fun of you -- never stop. Doors will open that are unimaginable.

Tears are flowing as I write this because I know there is a bright future waiting on you.

With deepest love,

Learn the monetary value of education

I am a 73-year-old woman who is still working an office job, and I know now that had I gotten a better education when I was younger, I would have a better salary and living for myself.

I had some business college after high school, getting a job right away in an office. I made a mistake of not continuing at that time. After all, I wanted to get married, live "happily ever after" and have children. That's what women did back then in the 1950s. Well, I did get married and had four wonderful children, but after 30 years, my "happily ever after" ended in separation and, two years later, a divorce.

I had worked after the first child, staying at home for 14 years with the next three. I went back to work when the youngest was 10. I tried taking courses in business after going back to work, but it didn't work out.

After the divorce, I had a number of jobs but without more education or a college degree, I was always underpaid. I tried taking several business courses but found it very hard to learn. I worked several part-time jobs and even took a third job cleaning houses trying to make a living. I was lucky and found a nice job with a great company 14 years ago, where I still work. I even got my real estate license after I was 60 years old and worked part time selling houses until I had a mini stroke.

Had I gotten more education, I would have made a better salary and not had the struggle to support myself after the divorce. The life education that I have gotten from all of the hard times since then, I feel, has made me a stronger and better person and made me appreciate what I have been able to accomplish without the college degree.

Pray for serenity because it's not up to you to fix everything

Dear Lynn:

Look. You're 20 years old. It's Thanksgiving Day, and it's prayer time as the family circles around the dinner table.

When it's your father's turn in the circle to say what he's thankful for, he says this and no more: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." Huh? What's that got to do with Thanksgiving?

Everything. Because once you fully understand what your specific role is and define exactly what you can and cannot, will and will not, have and have not to do, you will have clarity. You will have precision. You will have power. You will have liberation. You will have peace to endure and not become injured. Then you can humbly reside in a place where it's Thanksgiving every day.

Look again. You're twice 20 and then some. You've spent many years and spilled countless tears spinning your wheels and not getting to know that "difference" that Daddy was talking about.

The blessing that he gave you back then is still relevant. Hear this: It's not up to you to fix EVERYTHING. Sometimes people -- including you -- have to go through things. You can't always prevent or change that.

You weren't the one who breathed life into that close friend of yours, so you couldn't control when she took her last breath. Your children/family/friends have to come to their own understanding and application of "the difference," just like you do.

Be a catalyst, not a controller. God alone is in control. And if (As if!) he needed any help from you, it could possibly be this: love hard, help others if you can, and strive to be the very best Lynn you can be.

Sometimes the best Lynn arrives late. Some days, well, she just doesn't show up at all. But always be on the lookout for her. Meet her. Greet her. And be thankful.

Your 'normal' life is part of God's perfect plan

Dear Diane,

Hold on tight, girl! You are about to enter a life that will turn out to be a different kind of "normal."

At first you will feel as if you are living someone else's life, like you are an onlooker paralyzed by disbelief, discrimination and cultural/social expectations.

You are about to enter a new circle of support as you find members of your present circle are uncomfortable and lacking words that help. Go easy on these folks; chances are good that their reactions stem from ignorance and inexperience.

Unfortunately, it will get tougher before it gets better as you navigate the maze of therapists, physicians, intervention specialists, neurologists, rehab centers, sensory integration specialists, consultants, agencies, support groups, and the maze will go on and on and on throughout the life of your newly born child with disabilities.

In the days, months and years ahead you will scale mountains of doubt, sink into seemingly bottomless valleys of depression, be tossed by swells of discrimination, and smacked by waves of guilt that will at times erode your confidence and vision for the future. Maybe this is not the life you expected, but it is the life that has been set before you, and you will discover that happiness is a choice. You will choose happiness and your life, although not considered by most as "normal," will be part of God's perfect plan.

So 25-year-old Diane, here are a few words to help you as you live this life that will seem normal and great:

1. Trust the Lord. Herein lies hope, strength, direction and all you will ever need.

2. Be still and listen.

3. Never say never.

4. Experts are human, with human limitations.

5. Ask infinite questions.

6. Take care of yourself.

7. Persevere when folks proclaim, "We've never done it that way before."

8. Help people see things from outside the proverbial "box." This will become the area where you will feel at home, but be ever mindful that many rarely dwell there.

Make it happen, you can do it!

You are anything but average. Remember this.

Sweet, Innocent Girl of Yesterday:

I would like to challenge you to water your own garden as opposed to waiting on someone else to bring you flowers -- not my own words, but solid advice nevertheless.

For too many years, you have based your opinion of self on the feedback of outside factions. You are blind to the raw beauty and remarkable talent with which a gracious God has blessed you.

How it saddens my heart to look back on you now -- bleeding your very soul dry in pursuit of the love of an undeserving man; your only comfort in his intermittent praise. I beg you to open your eyes (and heart) to the limitless possibilities that stand before you. Take a good look at the bedroom floor, littered in poetry fragments pregnant with potential.

I do not write these things to hurt you, rather to motivate your wounded heart into action. You analyze every aspect of life to the point where the obvious goes ignored. When did you become ashamed of your writing? The night he crumbled it into a ball and tossed it to the side with a chuckle?

You do not deserve this.

I have watched you grow from a graceful child to an awkward girl of astounding presence, into a beautiful young woman, old beyond her years, but full of poise and passion. You are anything but average. Remember this.

I pray this letter reaches you in time for you to realize that you are chasing the wrong dream. All the love in the world will never change a frog into a prince. One day he will be gone forever and the years lost may cost more than your heart can afford to pay.

I love you.

When you fall, get up and keep moving on

To My Younger Self,

I would have taught you coping skills and to keep pursuing your dreams even during the troubled teenager years after my parents divorced. I was moved 615 miles from my father and my extended family and friends.

As a child of a broken family, I was screaming out in pain and anger and I had turned it on myself when I tried to commit suicide. Shortly after that failed, I turned to the wrong friends and began doing drugs. I wanted to numb the pain. ... I was miserable.

I quit school, would often stay out all night and was having unprotected sex.

I found myself at age 17 an unwed mother. I was scared. I had to gain composure after being lost for so long. I decided to keep the baby and slowly cleaned up my act.

Being a young unwed mother was harder than I could've ever imagined. I thought I bit off more than I could chew many times, but my only reality to this was I had messed up my life, I wanted to be the best mom I could.

My son is now 16 years old and I have tried to instill in him coping skills and to reach for his dreams. Finally, as a woman in my 30s, I am starting to find the little girl who had all those hopes and dreams. I received my GED and one day hope to follow up at a college.

If people were to glance at me they wouldn't see a success, but when I hear my child tell me I am the strongest woman he knows, I feel like I accomplished something.

I guess in closing there will always be detours in every path. It is just important not to fall completely and to keep moving on.