To my younger self:

Being over 30, single and childless is NOT a tragedy. Nor is it hopeless, pathetic or freakish. It's simply how your life is meant to be at this age and stage, so relax and enjoy it.

For heaven's sake, do not refuse to attend the office Christmas party or other social events because you don't have a date. Fellow partygoers will not stare at you with pity. Frankly, they probably won't even notice. And if they do, they will be happy -- it means shorter bar lines and more shrimp for them.

Granted, a couples' baby shower can be tortuous for a 32-year-old single woman. But be a supportive friend and go.

Enjoy the luxuries of single life -- like having the uninterrupted time to paint all 10 toenails without having to stop to feed someone or break up a fight. Eat microwave popcorn and Lean Cuisines for dinner and throw the "dishes" in the trash. Enjoy driving a car that you choose because it "cute," not because it is sensible and roomy.

But even if you become comfortable with being single, you're still likely to devote time and angst to the search for a significant other. On this point, I will pass along advice once given to me: "Desperation is not an attractive quality." You have to be OK with being alone before you can be part of a healthy relationship.

Remember that having NO boyfriend/spouse is better than having a BAD boyfriend/spouse.

And last and probably most importantly, be PROUD of the fact that you are independent and competent. On your own, you've made decisions about job offers, 401(k) investments and car purchases. You've handled dead car batteries, clogged toilets and hard-to-start lawn mowers without the help of a spouse -- accomplishments many women your age cannot claim. And in the process, you've developed decision-making and coping skills that will serve you well for the rest of your life.

Note to self:

I firmly believe that, as in Ray Bradbury's short story "A Sound of Thunder," if one thing changed in my past the outcome would be vastly different. I choose not to kill the butterfly!

I am happy with my crazy life, and don't want to mess with that. Instead, I offer these rules to live by, to my younger, reckless, childish self:

1. Enjoy the seasons. Don't waste a minute of these golden moments. Get outside more, UNPLUG!

2. Spend more time with the people you love. They are only here for a short time. The most difficult thing to live with is "I wish I had ..." been there, done this, said that.

3. Don't be afraid of failure.

4. Try not to be so narcissistic. So many people sacrifice time, money and energy to care for you. Let them know you love them.

5. Devote time each day to your passions. It will bring you sanity.

6. "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." -- The Beatles

Love yourself!

When I was 16 years old, my mother and I were fussing. I wanted to go to a friends and she said no. She looked at me and in a raised voice said, "I wish I had never had you." From that day forward I hated her.

Until I received counseling in 1979, my life had many, many bad incidents, even to the point of wanting to take my life. What kept me from going through with killing myself was my two precious children and I knew there would not be someone to care for them as I did. I voluntarily committed myself to a holistic mental hospital.

During a "like yourself" session, a button fell off my blouse I was wearing and I said, "this doesn't surprise me as I really shouldn't have been born." The counselor ask me why I felt this way. I told her what my mother had said to me and then she went on with the lesson for the day. Later I saw my psychiatrist. First words from his mouth was, "I believe we had a major breakthrough as to why you have been on self-destruct for all these years." He had been told of my remark I had made in class.

For 37 years I had buried this remark in my subconscious. I realized God doesn't make "no junk." He made me a special person.

My mother was an alcoholic. If I could go back I would take the statement she made, let it go in one ear and out the other and most important, not wait 21 years to forgive her.

At age 77, looking back on a happy life, I can find only one piece of advice for the young woman I once was: Ask "WHY and HOW?"

So many, many times I accepted what my seniors told me without question and I see now that, politely phrased and courteously received, I should have questioned far more things than I did, for it is in questioning and understanding that we learn and grow.

Why is this required? How can I accomplish that? These are forward-thinking words, growing words, helpful words. Now I ask them, but I wish I had started sooner!

Younger self, listen to your gut feelings ... those voices in your head. Do not second-guess yourself. You and only you know what is best for your life. Men, the dollar nor "society" can make your path any easier. Know your heart and you will be set free from pressures outside yourself!