To my younger self:

I am now in my 60s. I have been married three times and widowed three times. Please don't feel sorry for me. I have had a wonderful life, so far.

My first husband died in 1983 of a massive heart attack, leaving me with two children ages 13 and 9. We had been married for 20 years. My response to this horror was to marry the first nice man who crossed my path. I failed to recognize that I was not in any condition to make such an important decision. The marriage was not a mistake; the timing was.

Here's my advice for any young woman who finds herself dealing with the unthinkable:

1. Romance can wait. It is natural to want to find someone to fix it, but no on can fix it, really.

2. If you can afford it, take some time off work. Exhaustion will be a real problem during this time.

3. Pay close attention to your emotional health. You will probably need to talk to someone trained in grief counseling.

4. Be aware that you and your children are at an increased risk for accidents.

5. Put your finances in order. Go to the Social Security office straight away.

6. Make out a will stating clearly what should happen to your children if you should die. For some reason, this provided me with a great deal of comfort.

7. Live in the present. Plan for the future. Don't ever believe that you will "get over it." I don't want to "get over it." I think of my first husband (as well as two and three) every day. They are all part of me as long as I live.