Dear Harrison or Indy:

I see by the papers that you are going to make a new "Indiana Jones" movie at the age of 66 -- which is really neat if you're sure you're on Medicare and have a good supplemental policy with an insurance company.

There are certain changes you may want to consider in the way you go about making certain bad guys wish they had never been born.

You will notice you can't whip your whip the way you used to. That is to say, you may aim it at an enemy, and it may not whip like it should whip.

Indeed, when you attempt to use your whip, you may get shocking pains in your shoulders and neck.

This is nothing to worry about and is probably a mere bad rotator cuff, which can be cured by surgery if you're sure your heart is all right.

I also suspect you can't run as fast as you did the time you successfully avoided being whacked by a huge boulder.

Along the same lines, I hope you would think twice before allowing yourself to be dragged by huge vehicles. You should also be cautious about any of those scenes that require you cling to broken swinging bridges high above chasms -- although Kate Capshaw, in a harem costume, is waiting for you up above.

Maybe Steven Spielberg ought to have some less deadly challenges for you to overcome. Like figuring out Medicare Part D.

And, good buddy, I know everybody is wondering feverishly about the identity of the female lead.

I fell in love with Karen Allen when she starred with you in "Raiders of the Lost Ark." Boy. You talk about a girl who could knock a few back and run like the wind in a ball gown.

As a matter of fact, I'm still in love with Karen Allen.

And there is always Kate in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."

And I'm still in love with Kate, too.

Both of these lovely ladies have taken on some mileage since those good times -- although I would never be indelicate enough to say how much.

For the life of me, I can't remember the female lead in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade."

I know that Hollywood makes its own choices, and there's nothing I can do about it.

But I ask you, as an old friend and admirer, to walk, as steadily as possible, off the set if somebody tries to saddle you with Rosie O'Donnell -- who is not very spry as far as I can tell.

And, by all means, keep that hat.

Best Regards,

Bennie Beagle