Bicycles, Barbie dolls and PlayStations. What's a well-meaning parent to do?

Everywhere they look this time of year, their kids are being bombarded by advertising messages that scream "Hey, kid -- it's all about you!"

The holiday season, with its emphasis on family, goodwill and generosity of spirit, can be a deeply rewarding time of year, producing memories that will outlast almost any toy. For Christians in particular, the end of December has a message that resonates with hope and forgiveness, as they celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.

But it's also a time when American consumerism slips all bounds, and the stores are jam-packed with frantic shoppers -- many of them shopping for their kids.

Betty Gillespie knows the season's contradictions very well. She would like to spend more time talking to children about people less fortunate than themselves, she said. "Meanwhile I'm standing in line at Toys 'R' Us with everybody else."

The miracle is that parents such as Gillespie, in a season that can make the words "time crunch" sound like an understatement, continue to try.

They take their children to sing Christmas carols to shut-ins. They select a child "angel" from the Salvation Army's Angel Tree, and let their kids help select the gift. They make their children save part of their allowances for charity, and then help them donate cows, goats and chickens to impoverished families halfway around the world, through Web sites such as Heifer International or World Vision.

They do it, they say, because it's worth it. "The reason I think it's important to talk about and to work on is because the pink and shiny things are not what stay with us," Gillespie said. Instead, it's "knowing and feeling that we're part of something bigger than ourselves."

Worst of times, best of times

How does a parent teach a child to be kind?

In some ways, the holiday season may seem the worst of times to try, with its endless harping on expensive toys and gifts.

But just underneath the tinsel surface of the season is a raft of opportunities for teaching a deeper message, some parents find. Sarah Goodman, a real estate agent and mother of four children, used to do volunteer day care work at the Community Christmas Store with daughter Samantha, now 18. The store stopped offering day care this year, said Goodman, but she and her children still collect and donate household items and toys. The Christmas store is located this year at West Salem Plaza.

Goodman also likes to read a children's book to her 4-year-old -- David McPhail's "The Teddy Bear," about a child who gives his teddy to a homeless person in a park.

"I would like to do a lot more community-oriented things," Goodman admitted. "It's something we talk about all the time."

Hollins University Chaplain Jan Fuller's 13-year-old son, Sam, pores over a World Vision catalog this time of year, looking for a gift to give. World Vision is a Christian organization that combats poverty worldwide. This year, Fuller said, her son decided to buy a pair of chickens so a family could have eggs. Sam helps pay for the presents with his allowance.

Other Roanoke Valley families also encourage -- or require -- their kids to contribute part of their allowances to charity. Michael Gettings and Amy Hatheway make children Sophia, 6, and Noah, 4, contribute 10 percent of their funds to a cause they believe in. They also take the children with them to deliver meals to the homeless through the Interfaith Hospitality Network. Their church, Unitarian Universalist of Roanoke, also has a mitten tree, which donates mittens and hats to those who can't afford them.

"We talk all the time about giving and why giving is important," Gettings said.

Getting it

Some kids get the message. Colten Pellant, 6, of Salem, can't pass a Salvation Army bell ringer without putting some coins into the pot, mother Kathy Pellant said. (Colten's 9-year-old sister, Laurel, won a moment's fame last summer when she gave the struggling Virginia Museum of Transportation the proceeds from her lemonade stand. Colten also helped.)

Ten-year-olds Ashmine Minnix and Cary-Grace Clark annually join other members of Roanoke's Ghent Grace Brethren Church to prepare gift bags and Christmas cards for people who can no longer go to church. They delivered this year's gifts Sunday, while singing Christmas carols.

"We want to make sure they're OK, because it's a nice thing to do," explained Ashmine, shortly before setting off with the others on her errand.

"It's a lot of fun," added Cary-Grace. "Sometimes we get hugs."

"For us, it's teaching by example," said her mom, Sandra Clark, of taking the kids caroling. The Clarks are no strangers to charity work; Clark's husband, Lee Clark, is development director at the Rescue Mission. "As a family, we do a lot of volunteer work."

"We want the kids to think about all the people who don't have families, who are less fortunate," said another caroler, Tracy Minnix -- Ashmine's mother.

Besides, said Minnix, the kids add a certain something. "We're not half as cute as they are."