Q: A girl in my son's fifth-grade class has a huge crush on him. This came to our attention when she called and left a couple of voice mails that included a song sung in a trembling voice and outright declarations of love. She gives him love notes asking him what she's doing wrong. He doesn't answer the notes and doesn't know what to say to her. He doesn't want to be mean to anyone or get her in trouble.

--A mother in Charlotte, N.C.

A: Sometimes the gentlest way for a boy to let a girl down is to say, "Sorry. I just want to be friends."

Other possibilities? Say, "I'm not really interested in a relationship," or "My parents don't like when girls call my house," suggests author Carol Weston. As the "Dear Carol" advice columnist at "Girls' Life" magazine, she says she gets a lot of mail about unrequited crushes.

"Fifth grade is when some girls and boys start learning how to send and to read each other's signals," she says. "It's an important life skill."

If the boy isn't comfortable responding to her in person or in a note, he can tell her best friend that he doesn't want to hurt the girl's feelings but that he doesn't like her as a girlfriend and wishes she would give him more space.

"Talking to her or to her best friend is much better and less humiliating than talking to a teacher or loudly complaining that he has a stalker on his hands," says Weston, author of "Girltalk" (HarperCollins, 2004), and "For Girls Only: Wise Words, Good Advice " (HarperCollins, 2004).

Several mothers have similar advice:

"When my older son was in that situation, he very sweetly told the young lady, 'I'm just too young to be in love. When I'm 25 and have finished college, and am established in my career, I'll marry you, and we'll have children. But right now, I just can't ask you to wait that long,' It worked," says Sharon Shulby of Manhattan Beach, Calif.

A reader in Redondo Beach, Calif., shows the power of mom stepping in if need be: "When I was in seventh grade, I too had a crush on a neighborhood boy. I called and called his house. One day his mom called me back and firmly told me to stop calling. I stopped immediately."

Shelby Mayor of Tacoma, Wash., says the fifth-grader should tell the girl he likes her as a friend but that his mom says he is too young to have girlfriends until he is 16. "That is what I tell my son," Mayor says.

A mother in Buffalo, N.Y., suggests being polite but firm when saying you just want to be friends. Also, the family should not make too much out of it -- this too shall pass.

For some kids, fifth grade is a starting gate, but many girls have crushes earlier and many guys are oblivious until years later. In her advice columns, Weston tells girls to notice whether the crush seems happy about the attention, "or, as in this case, whether the passion is one way and the poor guy is running for cover."

Weston, whose Web site is www.carolweston.com, adds: "I'm always telling girls to test the waters instead of declaring their love. Even when a boy likes a girl, he may not be in a hurry to go public with private feelings. I advise girls to show, not tell: to smile and say hi, not announce 'I like you' or ask 'Do you like me?' "

Subtle but face to face or over the phone is preferable to often-impulsive online communication. It's ideal when kids slow down and remember that any heartfelt IM'd conversation can be copied and pasted for group interpretation later, she says. Instant messages and e-mails can jump-start a romance, but impulsive ones can also backfire if forwarded far and wide.

Can you help?

Q: "I am having trouble getting my 9-month-old to sleep through the night. She has always gone down for the night no problem until she turned about 8 months old. She is waking up every hour screaming. She is not hungry and does not have gas. I am at my wit's end."

-- A mother in Fayetteville, N.C.

If you have tips or a question, please call our toll-free hotline any time at (800) 827-1092 or e-mail us at p2ptips@att.net. Betsy Flagler, a journalist in Davidson, N.C., teaches preschool and is the mother of a teenage son.