As about 60 million U.S. children head back to school this fall, plenty of fights are sure to crop up -- about clothes. "We hear about girls changing clothes in the bathroom, applying thin clothes and thick eyeliner," says Carol Weston of Manhattan, author of "Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You" (HarperCollins, 2004). "The way around this is to allow your kids to grow up, to be aware that a 12-year-old doesn't want to go to school looking like a 10-year-old."

Some girls will want to put on a little lip gloss and shave their legs. "Try not to freak out. And if they are asking for your permission, that's actually pretty thoughtful," says Weston, mother of two girls. "You might want to say, 'I have mixed feelings because I think you are a little young, but I'm glad you asked me. Just remember that with makeup, less is more.' "

Take a deep breath and give a heartfelt, reasonable reply to your daughter's requests rather than just saying no or throwing up your hands and thinking, "Here come the teenage years."

But the back-to-school squabbles that concern divorce attorney Sharyn Sooho the most have to do with divorced parents battling over who pays for what. "Don't wait until the day before school starts to settle these matters," says Sooho, co-founder of www.divorcenet.com.

Preferably parents have financial issues spelled out in their custody agreements, but new school-related issues continue to crop up each year, Sooho says. Not just about clothes but who gets to chaperone what field trip? What activities will the child get to be involved in? Even what school will the child attend, near Dad's house or Mom's? When answering, Sooho says, use this guide: "What's in the best interest of the child?"

To ensure that back-to-school doesn't also mean back-to-court, Sooho suggests:

Pay your fair share. Custodial parents should pay for back-to-school wardrobes and school supplies, unless both parents agree to share those expenses, she says.

Stay focused on the children. Don't put teachers, the school and the child in the middle of parental conflict.

Have calendars in each house, give one to the child to keep in his backpack, and give one to the teacher to show which parent he will be with. A calendar should help everyone stay more organized.

Share information. "Don't create obstacles for the noncustodial parent to get information," she says. Unless you have a protective order, give permission to the children's teachers, doctors and dentists to share information with both parents. The noncustodial parent can give the teacher a stack of self-addressed, stamped envelopes to make it easier to get information. Home-school communication is crucial. Parents and teachers are a child's most important allies. As Amy James writes in "Kindergarten Success" (Jossey-Bass, 2006), "No matter what, active participation and communication with your child's school is essential."

If you have tips or a question, please call our toll-free hotline any time at (800) 827-1092 or e-mail us at p2ptips@att.net. Betsy Flagler, a journalist based in Davidson, N.C., teaches preschool and is the mother of a teenage son.