Halfway through a late Saturday night dinner of wine and salmon at a boisterous table in Wertz’s downtown restaurant, Roanoker Nicole Hall toyed with her thoughts on a Star City social problem that can be summed up in one question:

Why is it so difficult for young, single people to meet other young singles in Roanoke?

“Roanoke is introverted,” said Hall, a 31-year-old architect at Rodriguez Ripley Maddux Motley Architects, to the other diners at her table. The Roanoke native has chalked up her hard times meeting young professionals as a dry spell that she hopes will pass. Living in Richmond for a few years yielded plenty of friends. Now that she’s back in Roanoke, she’s hoping to surpass 15 — the number of new people she’s met in Roanoke during the past year.

“When I go out on the weekends I rarely meet anybody new,” Hall said later. “I would say that’s a bad thing. I used to meet new people going out all the time.”

Nicole Hall

A fresh person in her life could lead to a friendship or a relationship that could in turn lead to love and wedding bells and the start of a family.

Be my friend

For whatever reason, a number of new Roanokers and returnees, particularly twenty- and thirtysomethings, are growing increasingly restless when it comes to finding true friends in the Star City. Having already made strides in their careers, these friend-seekers want that same success to spill into their out-of-work lives as they navigate the Roanoke Valley’s social circles, hoops and politics in a quest that some say feels like a second job.

Some Roanokers seeking friends stop and ask themselves this: Is there something wrong with me?

That’s a question Laura Bradford, 29-year-old president of Claire V., a handbag and shoe manufacturer and boutique, had to cope with as she moved through a variety of scenes in Roanoke on her way to triumphing in the friends game. At one point, the former Bostonian recalled thinking she made a terrible mistake by choosing Roanoke over other Southern cities such as Charlotte, N.C., or Austin, Texas.

“I tried everything from sports to drinking clubs,” said Bradford, who also tried house parties and social events. “You can’t rely on your daily activities to meet people.” The year she moved here she was 27. It was an awful year in her life. After a few unsuccessful attempts, she eventually joined a book club and found happiness and good friends.

“That has been my saving grace,” said Bradford, who also has lived Houston, Seattle, France and Germany. “This is the first time I’ve been anywhere where I had to create my own social circle. I’ve been through a lot of groups until I found the right fit. The longer I’m here and the more I get away from the bar scene, the more interesting people I find.”

In any event, she said she makes a point to welcome newcomers because she remembers well the struggle some of them are going through.

Making friends requires a bit of work, said 32-year-old Tricia Thornburgh, a psychologist who works with teens and adults at Appalachian Counseling Center in Roanoke. Lately she has heard a number of Roanokers wondering about making friends. She herself has wondered about it, but she also realizes that time, insecurities and work have altered the way people socialize.

“Many complain that Roanoke has its cliques,” Thornburgh said. “They feel somewhat unwelcomed. I have heard numerous times, even in the past month, 20- and 30-year-olds saying it’s hard to make friends. We don’t invite the neighbors over for picnics anymore. We don’t take time. Society has become introverted. I think there’s hope certainly, whether it be on an individual level or a city level.”

The path to friendship

A fairly new Roanoker, Katina Thomas, a 33-year-old Carilion rehab aide, moved to the city with her two daughters three years ago to escape the gangs of Paterson, N.J. Finding a social group has been tough, she said. “It’s not like I haven’t tried. At home, I didn’t have to try. Down here you have to try, which is weird to me.”

Thomas is one of the Southwest Virginia newcomers who hope they’ll find a gathering of good friends if they stay long enough.

In some ways, the stakes are stacked against them despite social outlets such as the Square Society, the Junior League, various sorority and fraternity groups and volunteer opportunities. In this day, technology, particularly instant messaging, text messaging and Web sites such as Myspace.com, has caused more people to skip face-to-face encounters.

Stuart Mease

Stuart Mease, the city’s 30-year-old special projects coordinator, said people in their 20s and 30s communicate with each other differently than baby boomers, who likely would meet a new person by phone or in person.

“These communications channels have made it easier to communicate to people in Korea or India but made it harder to connect to our neighbor,” Mease said.

“The best way to get a friend is to be one,” he said. “Getting out there and being involved is the best way you can meet a lot of individuals.”

His suggestion: The friendless should turn to religious groups and social groups such as the Square Society or the new Young Professionals Organization that he, Hall and a group of young business people are starting with the help of the Roanoke Regional Chamber of Commerce. The new organization would work to give young people a voice in the city as well as a chance to meet.

Having grown up in Roanoke, Getra Hanes, owner and publisher of Just The Fax …, said she has talked to employers who have recruited new talent to the area only to have the newbies leave because they didn’t feel they fit in.

“People end up feeling all alone,” said Hanes, 28, who joined groups such as the Junior League and Square Society. “As time goes on, no one has to feel that way. I hear all the time that it is hard to meet people in Roanoke. I think there are a lot of young professionals in Roanoke, and we just don’t know each other.”

Ray Douglas

It’s not only finding friends that’s a problem; it’s also finding quality people to date, said Ray Douglas, the 31-year-old vice president of marketing and recruitment for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southwest Virginia.

“This part of Virginia is a little bit harder to meet people,” said Douglas, who also is a pastor. “They are friendly here but you have to be involved in some sort of organization to meet people here, I’ve found.” The former Nashville resident’s lucky break came because he has family here and saying so caused people to open up more and trust him.

Another person who never had trouble meeting people until he came to Roanoke is Jeff Van Leuven, a 40-year-old who has lived in Rhode Island and Los Angeles.

“I’ve had a hard time trying to making a lot of friends,” he said. “It seems like a hard little place to break into. It was very difficult at first.”

For the past 1 12 years he has gone to places such as Metro and his gym, hoping that a simple hello might yield a new buddy or friend. “Even at the gym, you wave hi and bye, and that’s it,” he said.

It has been especially tough because Van Leuven has also been dealing with his young son’s illness. He had hoped meeting people would help to lift his spirits.

Eventually his luck improved, and he started meeting people through a cycling club.

“It seems like you have to be in a circle, and once you’re in it, you’re in it,” he said.

For every Van Leuven or Bradford, there is another story, one like Adia Harvey’s. An assistant professor of sociology at Hollins University, Harvey moved from Washington, D.C., to Roanoke in 2004. “It’s not that I had a bad time here,” Harvey, 29, said. “It’s very hard to break in. My impression was that it was a difficult place to meet people.”

After a dry spell on the friends front, she took matters into her own hands last summer and helped start a networking happy hour for black professionals. Embraced at first, it eventually fizzled. Harvey stopped going and started spending more time at her office.

“At this point in my life, I’d like to have friends,” said Harvey, who admits she did meet a few people here.

But she wants more, and she has hatched an action plan: In July she’s moving to Atlanta for a new life with lots of possibilities for making friends.

Some say the Star City is socially challenged, that you have to work a little harder to meet people here

Making friends in Roanoke can be tricky depending on whom you ask. Here are few ideas for twenty- and thirtysomethings.

Jay Lewis, Realtor for Long and Foster Real Estate

Give it time. Get out of the house and participate in activities. Hang out at bars and restaurants in downtown Roanoke or elsewhere. One happening after-work spot is 419 on Electric Road. Go to sporting events such as Avalanche and Vipers games.

Laura Bradford, president of Claire V.

Go to house parties. If you own a dog, take it to Fishburn Park in Roanoke. Find activities that you’re interested in and see if there’s a local club or group that meets. Join social groups such as the Junior League or the Square Society. Volunteer at places such as the Roanoke Natural Foods Co-op or the Grandin Theatre.

Alison Jorgensen, director of Volunteer Services

Instead of a lengthy commitment, try an upcoming one-time opportunity as a way to meet new people:

• Festival in the Park. Volunteers needed for Pepsi sales, souvenir sales, children’s activities, setting up, cleaning up and beer/wine sales (must be 21). Three- and four-hour shifts are available from May 25-29.
• Health Focus of Southwest Virginia. Volunteers needed to help with middle school and high-school sports physicals. 2 12 hour shifts available on May 13.
• Roanoke Salem Food Pantry. Volunteers needed for the Annual Postal Food Drive on May 13 at the Salem Civic Center.
• League of Older Americans. Volunteers needed to help deliver meals to Meals-on-Wheels clients and for the “Let’s Do Lunch” fundraiser on June 16.
• Rescue Mission. Volunteers needed for food preparations, serving and other tasks.
• City of Roanoke. Volunteers needed for child care during parenting workshops and for the River Clean-Up Day on June 1.