Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Grrrr... women's hosiery
Kevin Kittredge
Grrr! is an occasional rant about things that don't work very well.
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We here at Grrr! try to do justice to everybody's rant. But there are certain places we just can't go -- mainly because we wouldn't know how to get there. So for this, our first Grrr! of November, we'll start by surrendering the driver's seat to Liz Mitchell, who is a colleague here at The Roanoke Times -- and a female.
Liz would like to rant about women's hosiery:
"With hose, well, knee-highs, they never stay UP and they always run, I'm always buying new ones. I revert to knee-highs in the first place because, in all honesty, who really wants to wear hose underneath one's pants? ... This is like wearing a second pair of pants which digs into your waist. The knee-high is actually a misnomer, because they are more like shin-highs, but really, we can call them ankle-highs because that is where they seem to fall. Pardon me, I know it's not very ladylike, but I need to bend over and pull up my knee-highs."
Thank you, Liz. And we won't look.
Our second guest-griper today will be Liz's Aunt Frankie (Frances Robbins of Salem), who also has some ladylike gripes.
One of them is lip gloss.
"It doesn't work," Aunt Frankie e-mailed. "It is either thin and slippery ... disappearing quickly, or it's hopelessly thick to the point where it coats drinking glasses so completely that it takes scouring powder to remove it." It can also smear the underlying lipstick all around the mouth, she says, making a big ol' mess.
Aunt Frankie also says her mascara usually ends up under her eyes, instead of on her lashes where it belongs.
And there's nothing like a clogged-up hair spray nozzle, she informs us, shooting hair spray into your eye "instead of on your bangs."
Bottom line: "It's not always fun being a lady," Mitchell said.
Who knew?
Next Grrr! up: vacuum cleaner bags.
-- Kevin Kittredge
Can you think of something that really ought to work better? Let us know. kevin.kittredge@roanoke.com; 981-3323.
