Photos by Eric Brady | The Roanoke Times

Companion Animal Clinic makes clay prints of deceased animals' paws to help ease the loss for clients.

Sally Stevens, who works for Companion Animal Clinic in Blacksburg, is shown with her dogs Andrew (from left), Lucy and Beanie. Lucy suffers from cataracts and hearing loss. By acknowledging that Lucy may have to be euthanized, Stevens has tackled what can be the most challenging part of pet loss.

Related

• Sugar was there for us

There's a reason why dogs -- and all pets, really -- are called man's best friends.

Who else is always waiting by the door when you get home? Who else stands still while you dress them in silly costumes for Halloween? And who else thinks that you're perfect, no matter what you wear, do or say?

As one bumper sticker puts it: "I want to be the person my dog thinks I am."

So when a pet that's proven to be much more than just an animal passes away, it's easy to see why the loss is devastating.

"To the majority of people who come into our office, their pets are family members," explained James Poage, owner of Valley Animal Hospital in Roanoke. "The pet greets them at the door like they're the king or queen of the house, without complaining. It's all the advantages of having a child."

As such, the depth of grief reflects how much the pet was stitched into the family fabric.

"It seems like everything you do and everything you see reminds you of the pet that's gone," said Sally Stevens, a Blacksburg resident who works for Companion Animal Clinic there. "When you have a pet that's gotten older, it ends up taking a lot of your time to keep it comfortable. Suddenly, you find yourself with time on your hands that you didn't have previously."

Stevens currently owns four dogs. One, a toy poodle named Lucy, is 15 and suffers from cataracts and hearing loss. For now, Lucy is still active, following Stevens around and playing with the other dogs.

However, Stevens knows that a difficult decision looms.

"I will keep her comfortable as long as I can. When she gets to the point where she's depressed, I'll know it's time," Stevens said.

By acknowledging that Lucy may have to be euthanized, Stevens has already tackled what can be the most challenging part of pet loss. Often, owners are reluctant to put an animal to sleep not only out of guilt, but also because they aren't ready to let go.

"Sometimes you have to ask 'Why are we keeping this pet alive? Is it for the pet, or is it for you?' " said Beth Kirby, owner of Companion Animal Clinic. "Euthanizing a pet is something that we do for the pet, not to the pet. They've given you a lifetime of happiness and fun, and it's not our job to make them suffer."

But even for a veterinarian with more than 20 years of experience, delaying the inevitable can be tempting.

"I'm just as guilty of holding on to them longer," Kirby admitted. "I've got cats and dogs now that I'm going to be absolutely devastated to lose, and knowing what I know doesn't help."

Finding closure

To ease the pain of loss, both Poage and Kirby make clay prints of deceased animals' paws for some of their clients after a pet has been euthanized.

Some veterinarians donate to the Veterinary Memorial Fund, developed in 1985 by the Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine in honor of pets who have passed away.

"It's a win-win," said Jeffrey Douglas, college communications manager at Virginia Tech. "The practitioners have an opportunity to express their feelings about the loss their clients are experiencing. The clients have an opportunity to realize that something good is coming out of the loss of their pet, and the college has an opportunity to conduct research."

The fund is one of the oldest of its kind in vet academia, Douglas said. In 2006, more than $90,000 in donations helped fund research for diabetes, kidney stones and joint repair in animals.

In a similar vein, many owners find comfort in supporting animal welfare efforts.

"This is my way of helping [dogs] that fall through the cracks. It makes me feel better about myself," Stevens said of her volunteer work with the National Silky Terrier Rescue group.

But in some cases, counseling becomes a necessary part of the grieving process.

"Our staff has been trained in grief counseling as far as the symptoms to watch for," said Poage, citing withdrawal from other pets and extreme mourning over an extended period as signs an owner might need help.

"It's not only the pet that they're grieving, it's everything that the pet represents," said Sandra Barker, a professor of psychiatry and director of the Center for Human-Animal Interaction at the Medical College of Virginia in Richmond. "Owners often feel a tremendous sense of guilt that they weren't able to prevent the death."

'Reacting to a real loss'

Barker has offered pet loss therapy since 1986, and said educating clients about the grieving process is the primary focus of counseling.

"Most people are told that they should just get over it, and they begin to think, 'there must be something wrong with me,' when actually they're reacting to a real loss," Barker said. She added that most people need only one session to handle their grief. Any more than that indicates a shift to an issue outside of the pet loss.

Discouraging clients from rushing their bereavement is also important.

"It's not a matter of saying you should be over this in a month or a year," said Alice King-Ingham, an assistant professor at Radford University's School of Social Work who has experience in pet loss counseling. "I used to say that grieving was like a 10-pound bag. You have to get rid of all of it. It's going to take as long as it takes."

However, both counselors avoid offering specific advice about getting a new pet.

"These decisions have to come from their own personal situations," Barker said. "A lot of people will think that getting another pet is a betrayal."

Stevens agreed. While she has gotten new dogs after others have passed away, she's been careful in her choices.

"I didn't want another dog that looked or behaved like the first dog at all," she said, explaining that she adopted a Yorkshire terrier following the death of her first poodle, Dusty. "I think it's human nature to compare. Number two is never going to measure up to number one."

And for some owners, moving on with a new pet reveals a greater purpose in loss.

"I had one client who believed that God made pets' lives shorter than humans' so we could love that many more," Barker said. "I thought that was a good way of putting it."