Dear Younger Self,

What would I change if I were given a chance to go back in time and give you advice on how to proceed and what pitfalls to avoid? Oh, so many things. Like they say, "Hindsight is 20/20." But then, I realize that I would not be in the life I am in today with the family and friends I have if things had been different in the past. So maybe I wouldn't change a lot of things.

But there is one thing that I would like you to take into consideration that might make a difference in my relationship to my children and their success or failure in life. Please spend more quality time with them. Linger longer over bedtime stories and good-night kisses. Give them hugs and kisses while at the same time telling them to get tough and that life is not fair rather than holding them at arm's length while telling them the same thing.

Make sure you spend as much time as possible with family instead of thinking you need to work and don't put off out-of-town visits because of work or because you didn't think you could afford it. Cherish every day with them instead of always looking ahead and thinking about when they would be grown and gone and you'd finally have some peace and quiet and be able to do what you want to do for a change.

NOW the out-of-town families are mostly gone and the kids are grown and don't really remember them.

NOW I can do whatever I want without the worries and responsibilities of adolescents or teenagers. They are grown and gone with families and responsibilities of their own; but NOW there is much too much quiet at our house, and I have way too much peace.

Time will bring gratitude for trials, closeness with God

My dear Pam,

I am grateful for this fictitious opportunity to communicate with you. It is indeed a luxury to look back and observe you from this vantage point.

While you appear to be quite accomplished, fit and confident, I happen to know firsthand of your anxiety, doubts and insecurities. Your work is commendable and your energy is enviable, but when your source of fuel is your own will, fear and desires, you will inevitably break down.

I plead with you to seek out, own and nurture two things: Truth and Humility. There are countless resources available to help you investigate these things, but I'd like to save you some time and direct you back to the Word of God.

Unfortunately, you have yet to face many trials designed to "bring you to your knees," as you are currently very stubborn and insist that you can do it on your own, with only the occasional nod in your Creator's direction.

Now, the good news is, you will eventually be beyond grateful for the trials you will endure, as they will result in your growth in response to God's grace, learning to daily live in truth and discovering true humility.

I love you,

Leap of faith will bring appetite for life

Dear younger self,

I know it's a lovely time of year, spring. How, you think, can I sit in this big house on such a beautiful day and be depressed?

You watch the trees heavy with pink blooms swaying in the gentle breeze and you cry. You walk around the huge house and listen to the sounds of your daughter laughing as she dapples in finger paint. Perfect you think, to the rest of the world, my life is perfect. I can tell you now, it was not perfect, not perfect for the woman you were and the woman you will come to be.

You are stronger than you know, and you must follow what you feel deep in your heart and soul. Ignore those nagging voices from others that say you will fail and you must stay for "the children." Remember you are the only one who knows what you go through and feel or, more aptly, don't feel each day. I can tell you this: You are amazing and you will accomplish many things and will grow more confident and assured each day.

No, I can't say that every day will be easy and that you will never debate and question the decisions you will make. You, my dear, are human and because of that not perfect, but you don't have to be. You are special and unique and that is what matters. You are and will always be a wonderful mother, friend, and one day you will find that person who is your soul mate and understand what you longed to feel then. Life is too short to settle for anything less than what you deserve, and you my dear deserve so many wonderful things!

I am so glad you, my younger self, were brave and took a big leap of faith into uncertainty and unknowing. You have made me/us into a woman of character and understanding. And this woman has an unquenchable appetite for life and a desire to live it to the fullest each day.

Thank you!

Past tragedies lead to a peaceful present

To My Younger Self,

You have known tragedy. You watched your mother die when you were 8 years old. You watched your devoted, alcoholic father struggle to keep all of his children together. His younger self should have made a better choice for a second wife and stepmother for his children. Your younger self watched this woman abuse your baby brother whom you had protected for the five years between Mom's death and their marriage. Your older brothers, your protectors, left home as quickly as they could. You survived. You have great Internal Makings.

You know crisis oh too well. Both your daughter and son had serious health problems. Your Internal Makings, coupled with the information you had at the time, as well as life's earlier experiences affected the decisions you made. It was difficult when your baby brother had a serious motorcycle wreck; it was almost your demise when a week later your dad was killed in an auto accident. Because of your love for your husband and your children and those Internal Makings, you survived.

When your son had a serious wreck 14 years later, those years during his recovery, you often said, "I give out, but I will never give up." You have great Internal Makings. Internal Makings cover your heart, your soul, your genetics, and the composition of the personalities as to who and where you were at any given time. The composition of those Internal Makings changes with life's experiences. What influenced you in decision making five, 10, or 15 years ago would influence your older self differently today.

The tragedies, the crisis, the hardships, the external factors and your Internal Makings all brought you to this place in your life. It's a peaceful place with few regrets.

To My Younger Self

You are not stupid.

You were born for more than housecleaning and child rearing.

Many were wrong and lies were told to you.

White males do not know everything;

though they run the world -- it is by power not superiority.

Don't let them win.

Look outside your small world.

Seek friends different than yourself or your experiences.

What you are looking for you won't find where you are looking.

Grow up! Emotionally, mentally and spiritually!

Let go. What difference does it make what others think?

Don't be afraid of God, He will not hurt you.

He is not like the rest.

He does not seek to harm you in any way.

Dare to do that which He calls you to do.

Care more about yourself because He cares about you.

Hold to who you are in Christ, there is no other identity.

"Jesus loves you" is not just words

but truth than can change your life.

It is who you are in Christ that defines you,

not your upbringing or what people say about you.

Above all else believe that there is

No condemnation, absolutely none,

for those who are in Christ Jesus.

And that is you;

a free, beautiful, a sweet aroma to Christ.

Knowledge is power

Advice to myself:

I would definitely have stayed in school and got an education. I dropped out of school at 16 and got married. I had two children when I was 18 1/2, another one seven years later. I had no choice but to work. He would never have let me go back to school.

I stayed married for 24 years, even though it continued to drag me down. I was always thinking it would get better, but it didn't. I should have been more demanding; I did deserve better. I got my G.E.D. at age 46.