A column of experts’ inspiring wisdom on motherhood, in honor of a day not to be forgotten, Mother’s Day, May 13.

Mothers require more than flowers one day a year. They also need “alone hats,” “love maps” and the gift of forgiveness. Read on for explanations.

The daughter of marriage and family therapist Denise Roy came up with the idea of making an “alone hat” to briefly shut her little eyes and ears off from the big world. Her mother and aunt loved the concept, especially since it offers escapes for mom, too, for brief zones of peace and quiet.

“It’s hard to hear ourselves think, let alone remember that we are breathing,” Roy writes in her new book, “Momfulness: Mothering with Mindfulness, Compassion and Grace” (Jossey-Bass, $14.95, 2007).

More time each day isn’t the magic solution, Roy tells overworked, overtired mothers at her workshops. More hours will just get filled up with more tasks. Instead, take bits of time to be in the moment with your children. Make eye contact with your kids — not reading the paper or checking e-mail.

For those times when you have felt inadequate as a mother, forgive yourself. Breathe, smile, pay attention. Everything is connected and everything changes, Roy writes.

She offers a meditation for mothers: “Feet: thanks for all the places you’ve carried me today. Arms, thank you for picking up and holding the kids so many times. Head, thanks for all your thinking, daydreaming, and keeping track of so many things.”

Roy encourages families to tell stories from generation to generation to weave a history.

Deborah Jackson, in “A Gift for New Mothers: Traditional Wisdom for Pregnancy, Birth and Motherhood” (Duncan Baird, $12.95, 2005), encourages a similar pattern after a baby arrives: “It’s time to take out the family photo album, to talk to our grandmothers, and to our great-grandmothers if we have them. We need to take our own history, and take our place in the mother-line.”

A new mother needs to be nurtured and reassured almost as much as her newborn baby, Jackson reminds us.

“A baby is a question mark and his mother the answer he seeks,” Jackson writes. To be the healthy answer for baby, mommy needs to feel healthy, too — mentally, emotionally and physically.

John Gottman, Ph.D., and his wife, Julie Gottman, Ph.D., are co-authors of “And Baby Makes Three” (Crown Publishers, $24.95, 2007) and founders of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle.

Their research shows that a struggling, unsupported mom — particularly one who is dealing with post-partum depression — can strain a baby’s intellectual and emotional development. Also, their research of couples shows that after the birth of the first baby, relationship satisfaction drops significantly as fighting goes up and romance goes down. Then, in some cases, exhaustion and irritability lead to depression.

“The greatest gift a couple can give their baby is a loving relationship, because that relationship nurtures baby’s development,” the authors write.

Be aware that stress is a natural part of becoming parents and must be coped with — and is not something to blame on the partner, the Gottmans say in their book.

The Gottmans found that the stronger the connection between parents, the healthier the child can grow, both emotionally and intellectually.

If you have tips or a question, please call our toll-free hotline at (800) 827-1092 or e-mail us at p2ptips@att.net. Betsy Flagler, a journalist based in Davidson, N.C., teaches preschool and is the mother of a teenage son.