Dish

• Do you consider yourself shy? If so, what do you tell yourself when you're in a crowded room full of strangers? Is it hard for you to meet people? How do you contribute to that with your self-talk?

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• Visit Krisha's blog and relationship columns at myspace.com/krishachachra.

In social settings, we often are careful about what we say to people, especially when we first meet them.

Usually, when we don't know someone, we take time to size them up through symbols that translate into some kind of meaning to us based on our experience. For instance, if a man has a foreign accent, we might assume he's from another country and then react by speaking slower or using less slang.

We put a lot of thought into the way we interact with others in order to create desired impressions or outcomes. But when it comes to ourselves, the way we speak or think is often not as careful. Some of us talk to ourselves in a way that we would never allow others to speak to us. This self-sabotage can keep us from being confident when we interact with others.

How dare you say that (to yourself)!

A packed house of business professionals met at Shakers during a recent Montgomery County Chamber of Commerce mixer. Many of these professionals stayed close to the people they came with. A few brave enough to mingle with potential clients did so with confidence and probably some unconscious positive self-talk.

Wallflowers can be shy or they inflict themselves with negative thoughts that prevent them from meeting new people.

Have you had these thoughts?

"What would I have in common with this person, anyway?" "If I talk to them, they'll just find me boring." "I don't want to bother them and make them dislike me."

All of these are examples of intrapersonal (internal) communication that should be checked if we want to live happier, healthier lives.

It's all in your head, before it's out of your mouth

Later I attended an oral party ... and let me explain. Deb Young had just passed her oral exams as a Ph.D. candidate at Virginia Tech and was celebrating with a theme party. Party favors appropriately addressed oral fixations: pacifiers, candied necklaces, baby bottles and blow pops. I walked into the party even though my friend hadn't arrived yet. After all, you don't get invited to an oral party very often.

Still, without recognizing anyone at the party, I was confident that I could make new friends (even though it had been a long time since I drank anything from a rubber nipple).

Positive self-talk is important when meeting people, but in order to make a connection with others, you need to do more than just repeat positive platitudes -- you have to practice social strategies and techniques to enhance communicating.

The night ended after a few rounds of college drinking games and guessing which lipstick marks on the wall matched whose lips. After a few people demonstrated the tricks they could perform with their tongues, we set up some lunch dates and exchanged a few numbers and hugs.

When you're willing to find connections in a social setting and tell yourself you have the confidence to do so, strangers become friends you have yet to come to know.

Rules of social interaction

1. Use open body language and make eye contact

2. Show genuine interest in other people

3. Listen

4. Relax

5. Know how much to self-disclose