Friday, February 01, 2008
'Idol' won't butt out even for the Super Bowl
Ralph Berrier
Riffs, the regional music scene as heard by The Roanoke Times reporter Ralph Berrier, will appear weekly on Sundays.
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I watched a football game and "American Idol" broke out.
I fear all of America will be saying that on Monday morning. Super Bowl XLII (my high school Roman is a little rusty, but I believe that's 42; it's the same numeral that would've appeared after the latest "Rambo," but the NFL held the rights) plays out in Phoenix on Sunday, but millions of viewers will probably think they've tuned in to that Super Bowl of vocalized gymnastics, "Idol."
Jordin Sparks will be there. Ryan Seacrest will reportedly interview celebrities on a Super Bowl red carpet, a la the Oscars (Ryan: "Jennifer Garner! Who made that exquisite Tom Brady No. 12 jersey you're wearing?" Jennifer: "Reebok!").
Just when you think it can't get any worse, it's rumored that Randy Jackson will DANCE. Give them dawgs a rest, dawg.
Randy's supposed to work it during Paula Abdul's much-anticipated comeback performance for the Super Bowl. Of course, that performance would be anticipated even more if she were performing live, but instead Paula will debut her new single "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" via the intimate medium of videotape.
No live appearance? Where's the fun in that? Just think what we're being cheated out of.
No Randy-and-Paula wardrobe malfunction. No Britney-esque stumble across the stadium's rollout hybrid sod. No Simon Cowell ridiculing Paula's performance ("Your voice sounds as if Jeremy Shockey stepped on your neck").
What's to ridicule? It's all taped and packaged in protective wrap. No slips, flips or trips.
It's a little strange that an entertainer whose unexpected comeback was spurred by a TV show that requires rank amateurs to sing their hearts out before live audiences of 30 million viewers will not subject herself to those same kinds of pressures and critiques.
In other words, live performance is for suckers like Sanjaya.
So, we'll be treated to a video of Paula and Randy, which actually might not make much difference. After all, even if she performed live, Paula would probably lip-sync her way through the song. And wouldn't it be awful if some production assistant at Fox screwed up and "pulled an Ashlee Simpson" and punched up the wrong song? Can't risk it.
The halftime headliner is Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, a band that would never have had a chance on "Idol." ("Your singing sounds like a demented Bob Dylan impersonating a constipated bovine," Simon would have said.)
Good for us that Tom avoided the "Idol" route to fame. He'll perform live. I pray there are no wardrobe malfunctions.
But it's all about the game, right? Giants and Patriots, playing for the big trophy. Eli Manning versus Tom Brady. Which reminds me, who's Tom dating this week? Gisele, right? Maybe Ryan will interview her on the red carpet!
Blog-riffic
For more music news, check out the music blog cutNscratch. Music writer Tad Dickens and I post daily musings about the local scene, who's playing where and what's going on nationally. Actually, Tad's done most of the posting so far, so I'd better get scratching.
