You won’t believe this, but at one time I actually paid money for books and movie rentals.

I know. I can’t believe it either.

But now I know better. Brothers and sisters, I’ve seen the light, and it’s called the library.

I can hear you now. “But Mason, isn’t the library where you go to do homework? I did my time in school, and now that I’m out I’m never going back again.”

But it doesn’t have to be that way. This sounds dorky, but the Dewey Decimal System actually works pretty well, and it isn’t that difficult to figure out. Now I’m a little hesitant to offer these tips — more of you means fewer items for me —

but consider them a public service.

HOW DO I FIND STUFF?

Tip 1: Go to the “New Arrivals” section first. It’s basically a microcosm of the library on a few shelves, which makes it easy to go through things quickly. At the branch on Virginia 419, just south of Brambleton Avenue, I recently found the following on a recent trip: 13 books on war, focusing on everywhere from Baghdad to Civil War-era Washington, D.C.; a crime book about an Irish mob assassination; biographies of James Brown and Billy Joel; reprints of an Iraqi girl’s blog written in 2003; and a slew of cookbooks and other food-related tomes. That’s just stuff cherry-picked from the non-fiction section.

Tip 2: Use more than one branch of the library system. I’m closest to the downtown branch on Jefferson Avenue, but I tend to prefer the Hollins branch on Peters Creek Road, the headquarters on 419 and the Salem library, mainly because they’ve got better selection of comics and movies. Since my Roanoke Valley library card covers all four of those, as well as several others, I can check out or drop off books at any of the branches. Each place has a different selection of goods, so either check them all, or at least use the digital card catalogue to find items that one particular branch may not have in stock.

Tip 3: Want to look smart without actually investing the time to read “Moby Dick” or “Death of a Salesman”? Cliff Notes (found in the 800s) can be a good way to catch up on fine literature in short order. I found 132 different Cliff Notes in the Salem branch alone. And guys, these can be useful for looking smart in front of girls. Not that I’ve ever done that sort of thing.

Tip 4: Lately librarians seem to have started ordering a lot more graphic novels, including a bunch aimed at an older audience. You might check the young adults’ section, where graphic novels often have their own section, but for the more mature books check out the 741 area. It’s here I’ve found Calvin and Hobbes, Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Conan the Barbarian and Judd Winnick’s Pedro and Me (for everyone who remembers the third or so season of MTV’s “The Real World”).

Tip 5: Don’t underestimate the Young Adult section. There you can find the original versions of books recently made into movies (Roald Dahl, anyone?) and occasional treats like a DVD-style “deluxe” version of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, complete with annotations and spin-off spiels.

Tip 6: Look through both DVDs and videocassettes. The video is not an outdated medium. Lots of times I’ve found popular movies on video when the DVD is checked out with a long waiting list.

Tip 7: Books on tape or CD make commutes quicker. And I’ve found everything from the latest Tom Clancy thriller to political books by everyone from Ann Coulter to Al Franken. The section is small enough to browse, too. I’ve found some unexpected surprises that way.

Tip 8: Check out biographies in addition to whatever subject matter you find interesting. I remember checking the Salem library for books on pro wrestling, but was disappointed by the few books available in the small wrestling area of the sports section. Checking biographies, though, I found books by Jerry Lawler, Ric Flair and Mick “Cactus Jack/Mankind/Brother Love” Foley.

Sure, it may take them a little longer to for new releases to arrive at the library, and occasionally you might have to wait for a few weeks for a particularly hot item, but if you don’t have the patience you probably should be in Cantos or Hollywood Video anyway.