Wednesday, December 24, 2008
'Waiter Rant': Another restaurant tell-all
Larry Bly
Larry Bly runs an ad agency and does freelance writing in the Roanoke area.
Recent columns
Anthony Bourdain, famous chef and now famous big-time TV guy, wrote "the" book on the restaurant business -- but from the kitchen perspective.
His book, which I reviewed here, was witty, at times hysterical, and frequently profane. On the other hand, Steve Dublanica's new book, "Waiter Rant," isn't nearly as fascinating, but that didn't stop Anthony Bourdain from writing a liner note on Dublanica's behalf.
This is a book about being a professional waiter -- and how that led the author to aspire to something more, like writing this book. So it's sort of a book about how this book came about. It started out of frustration, which we, the public, regularly cause our wait staff to suffer, apparently. To read this book is to know that, no matter how well you tip, how polite you try to be or how patient a customer you are, your waiter will probably still not think much of you.
After all, you're just a short-term visitor to this piece of real estate.
And the wait staff can be a rather tough bunch, given what they put up with.
Dublanica works at an Italian restaurant in an upper-income suburb of New York. The clientele is fairly upscale, as is the menu. One is quickly versed on the pecking order of the restaurant business. The kitchen can cause a waiter great pain by purposely messing up an order or two in the middle of a heavy dinner crowd. Waiters and waitresses compete to get the better sections in various ways. And everyone is watching his or her back -- always.
After reading the book, I'm not sure who I'd trust less, the staff or the customers.
We get to hear all about how obnoxious perfectly nice people can be once they start getting into their cups. We hear about big-mouths who show up and demand the best tables because "the owner's my friend," which usually isn't the case at all. We learn a lot of other interesting things as well:
Dublanica's writing style is pleasant enough, no doubt, but it lacks the edginess of Bourdain's. Still, it makes for fun reading and I'm always interested in what goes on after the waiter leaves my table -- or after I leave the restaurant, for that matter. Most of the time, we don't want to know.
Dublanica gives us a rundown on the types of tippers: cheapskates, the 10-percenter, the average Joe, the foreigner, etc. He tells the customers what to watch for, sometimes, as well: "Sometimes customers, often drunk, are unaware a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it."
And then there are the Foodies.
Apparently this know-it-all type wastes a lot of the waiter's time with questions and opinions on all things food. The restaurant is a business and everyone working there is just trying to make a living. Making it difficult for everyone with twenty questions will not win you great service -- from the server or the kitchen.
There's a chapter entitled "Filth," but we'll just skip that one altogether.
We've all heard the stories -- some true, some not. There's a story he relates that reminds me of a recent happening at a Wal-Mart during which the front greeter was run down by hundreds of crazed shoppers as the doors opened on Black Friday. It killed him; and then some customers complained that they had stood in line for hours and were being asked to leave without receiving their purchases. In the bistro where Dublanica works, a woman has an unfortunate stroke mid-meal. Paramedics are called and the room is sealed off to make room for medical personnel. Diners with reservations show up, and when told that they cannot be seated in the promised area, get very hostile with the restaurant personnel. What's the world coming to?
It's not all about beating up on the customers; Dublanica is pretty fair and balanced in his assessment of both sides of the table. "Waiter Rant" is a quick and easy read.
His book, which I reviewed here, was witty, at times hysterical, and frequently profane. On the other hand, Steve Dublanica's new book, "Waiter Rant," isn't nearly as fascinating, but that didn't stop Anthony Bourdain from writing a liner note on Dublanica's behalf.
This is a book about being a professional waiter -- and how that led the author to aspire to something more, like writing this book. So it's sort of a book about how this book came about. It started out of frustration, which we, the public, regularly cause our wait staff to suffer, apparently. To read this book is to know that, no matter how well you tip, how polite you try to be or how patient a customer you are, your waiter will probably still not think much of you.
After all, you're just a short-term visitor to this piece of real estate.
And the wait staff can be a rather tough bunch, given what they put up with.
Dublanica works at an Italian restaurant in an upper-income suburb of New York. The clientele is fairly upscale, as is the menu. One is quickly versed on the pecking order of the restaurant business. The kitchen can cause a waiter great pain by purposely messing up an order or two in the middle of a heavy dinner crowd. Waiters and waitresses compete to get the better sections in various ways. And everyone is watching his or her back -- always.
After reading the book, I'm not sure who I'd trust less, the staff or the customers.
We get to hear all about how obnoxious perfectly nice people can be once they start getting into their cups. We hear about big-mouths who show up and demand the best tables because "the owner's my friend," which usually isn't the case at all. We learn a lot of other interesting things as well:
"A big difference between the waiters and the cooks is the hours they work. Waiters usually work an eight- or nine-hour shift and go home. The kitchen guys, however, are often the first to show up and the last to go home. Fourteen-hour days are common. When a restaurant closes its doors at night, you'll probably find half its servers getting blasted at a nearby bar. But you'll find the kitchen guys sharing a taxi or waiting at a bus stop for a public transportation ride home. Because most fine-dining establishments are located in neighborhoods where residential rents are high-kitchen personnel seldom can afford to live close to their place of employment."
Dublanica's writing style is pleasant enough, no doubt, but it lacks the edginess of Bourdain's. Still, it makes for fun reading and I'm always interested in what goes on after the waiter leaves my table -- or after I leave the restaurant, for that matter. Most of the time, we don't want to know.
Dublanica gives us a rundown on the types of tippers: cheapskates, the 10-percenter, the average Joe, the foreigner, etc. He tells the customers what to watch for, sometimes, as well: "Sometimes customers, often drunk, are unaware a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it."
And then there are the Foodies.
"As the night progresses I get seated the most difficult kind of customers a waiter has to deal with: foodies. Foodies are usually middle-aged people who fancy themselves experts on food, wine, and the finer points of table service. There's nothing wrong with being a gourmand, but foodies are not gourmands. They're gourmand wannabes."
Apparently this know-it-all type wastes a lot of the waiter's time with questions and opinions on all things food. The restaurant is a business and everyone working there is just trying to make a living. Making it difficult for everyone with twenty questions will not win you great service -- from the server or the kitchen.
There's a chapter entitled "Filth," but we'll just skip that one altogether.
We've all heard the stories -- some true, some not. There's a story he relates that reminds me of a recent happening at a Wal-Mart during which the front greeter was run down by hundreds of crazed shoppers as the doors opened on Black Friday. It killed him; and then some customers complained that they had stood in line for hours and were being asked to leave without receiving their purchases. In the bistro where Dublanica works, a woman has an unfortunate stroke mid-meal. Paramedics are called and the room is sealed off to make room for medical personnel. Diners with reservations show up, and when told that they cannot be seated in the promised area, get very hostile with the restaurant personnel. What's the world coming to?
It's not all about beating up on the customers; Dublanica is pretty fair and balanced in his assessment of both sides of the table. "Waiter Rant" is a quick and easy read.
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