Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Pork rinds and trinkets
Luanne Rife
Recent columns
- Incentives to do business in Roanoke
- In support of informed opinions
- When values slide, rates rise
- City taxes fly through loophole
From the RoundTable blog
As I turned the corner to head toward our neighborhood, the third-grader noted a new crop of election signs had been planted during the day.
"We're not voting for George Allen, are we?" She went on to say that even she knows better than to call people names or to take their homework and put her name on it. That latter was in reference to a clip she watched on "The Colbert Report" that showed Allen appropriating Sen. Dick Durbin's amendment, but it wasn't stealing because he changed the word "will" to "shall." Or was it the other way? She can't remember.
Yes, I know I should be reported to the Department of Bad Parenting for allowing my child to get her "news" from Comedy Central. But, then again, our junior senator doesn't make parenting any easier when I have to explain why he thinks it's OK to claim authorship of someone else's work or to be mean to people.
Still, Grace (exhibiting her own serious character flaw) figured, "if he gave me a million dollars, I'd vote for him."
"He can't pay you to vote for him," I said.
"Why? Is that illegal?" she asked.
"Yes. A candidate can't give you something of value in exchange for your vote," I explained.
"Then why do they always give us pens, nail files, key chains and accessories?"
To her, trinkets, especially the all-inclusive "accessories," hold value. But then again so did a bag of pork rinds and a six pack of beer in Appalachia, where the most widespread election fraud case in recent state history is nearing a close. Fourteen people, including the mayor, stand accused of 1,000 crimes for having set out to beg, buy and steal votes. That's nearly one count for each of the 1,300 town citizens over the age of 18.
Isn't it amazing what people will do to grasp the power of elected office, even if it is a puny title in a teeny town? Maybe the Ben Cooper gang thought that what happens in Appalachia stays in Appalachia.
But thanks to bloggers, YouTube and the like, all politics are global.
Just ask Allen and his Democratic opponent, Jim Webb. They might have thought at the outset that people would want to hear about, oh you know, important things: the war, security, immigration, Social Security, perhaps even farm subsidies, for crying out loud. But no. That stuff doesn't rate on YouTube.
It's enough to kill the political ambitions I never had. It's bad enough when people can Google you, but YouTube? No thanks.
Then there are those thousands upon thousands of stories, editorials and columns on file somewhere, waiting to be dug up and taken out of context, if even I could remember the context.
If those aren't good enough reasons not to seek office, here a few more:
n I didn't vote for Ronald Reagan, twice. How could I lay claim to a dead president's endorsement when I was among the few Americans who voted for Jimmy Carter and the even fewer who voted for Walter Mondale? OK, I did have a fever of 103 that day, so maybe I did vote for Reagan. But if my political ambitions rested on the ability to say that I admired something about Reagan, then I guess I could admit that, unlike most men, he could pull off wearing a brown suit.
n My boots don't make a senatorial statement. I have a closet full of knee-hitting, calf-skimming, ankle-hugging, brown, black, burgundy boots. But none that would lend me the cowboy swagger of an Allen or the Vietnam veteran assuredness of a Webb. Mine are, in fact, girlie boots that do not belong on the same platform as the chest-thumping, tough-man contest under way. And I'm not ashamed to admit that.
n I don't know any Hollywood types. I know a few Californians, but after they pay their mortgages they wouldn't be left with any funds at month's end to donate to my campaign. Hollywood types, we are told, bankroll today's campaigns.
n I'm broke. I couldn't even afford to run for Appalachia town council, the price of a six pack being what it is these days. In fact, I doubt I could afford my daughter's vote.
Traud is a member of The Roanoke Times editorial board.
