Monday, January 05, 2009
Do something for her in 2009
Ray Stubblefield
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From the RoundTable blog
Another new year is upon us. I'll be dating all my documents 2008 for at least the next month. Besides change, the new year is also a time for taking stock. Everyone sees things they can improve upon, so as predictable as death and taxes, we make our New Year's resolutions.
But too often all our good intentions remain just that. Our resolve evaporates in a few weeks, and those carefully crafted resolutions get put on the shelf to gather dust until next year. "At least we tried," we tell ourselves.
But rather than tackle a self-improvement list that is ultimately doomed to failure, I'm thinking of ways to improve my relationship with my wife. No matter how good your marriage is, all relationships can get better.
As I started thinking about how to improve my marriage, it got me thinking about how differently men and women view things. I'm not the first to notice. After all men are from Mars and women from Venus. The biggest difference is women know what motivates them. Men usually don't have a clue. So bear with me as I tell a story that illustrates this.
Years ago, my best friend had a rather unglamorous job collecting bills for various medical insurance companies. The phone is the first line of attack. That's where David spent his working hours each day. In this case it was mostly night work, the 3-to-11 shift. It was dull, boring and unrewarding.
On top of that, the public at large is not very hospitable when you disturb them with annoying, unsolicited phone calls from strangers. So you can imagine the reception he received hour after hour when he called, reminding people that they owed money, and if payment wasn't received in the next 30 days, their account would be turned over to a collection agency. Hey, somebody has to do it. I am just glad it wasn't me.
At any rate, in addition to being a low-paying, stress-filled, unrewarding job, he was underemployed, meaning he had too much education for what the job required. He has a master's in accounting, and most of the other people working there had a high school diploma, if that.
My friend loves history and politics, and over the years we have spent many hours discussing and sometimes arguing about both. During his hour dinner break each evening Dave, being starved for intellectual conversation, would try to get some of his co-workers to discuss his favorite topics.
But finally, after a few weeks a frustrated colleague quipped, "Look, Dave, (and I'm paraphrasing here so we can print it) if it doesn't get me a date or put money in my pocket, I ain't interested."
This guy was in his 20s and, I take it, wasn't married. He was no dummy. In fact he knew computers probably better than anyone in the building.
When my friend shared the story with me, he was irritated with his co-worker's lack of interest in intellectual topics. My reply shocked him. I said I admired the guy. Unlike most males in our society, this guy knew exactly what motivated him and made no attempt to hide it.
Forgive me if I seem a bit too blunt here, but I know of no better way to say it. What motivated this guy is what motivates nearly every male across the planet, girls and money. And I might add a third area, sports.
We all know guys whose thoughts and conversations never get beyond these three topics. Scary thing is, there are far too many of us who have such a limited view of the world.
This year when your honey wants you to watch "Sleepless in Seattle" with her, do it. When you're tempted to watch the third football game in one weekend, stop, turn the TV off and take your gal out to dinner. And when overtime is the only way to get that new boat, be satisfied with the old one.
Guys, believe it or not, there is a big beautiful world waiting for you to discover it. The girls know it. They've always known it. Now, all they're waiting on is for you to realize it. Don't disappoint them.
Stubblefield, who teaches earth science at Franklin County High School, is a Roanoke Times columnist.
