Thursday, November 27, 2008
Working up to gratitude
John Long
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From the RoundTable blog
Happy Thanksgiving! If you're like me, you're reading the paper today a little more leisurely than normal. You've got the day off, you've got family to go visit, or they're staying with you. You just finished the Big Meal or it's in the oven and the smells are taunting your growling tummy. It's a great day all around.
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays -- not quite on par with Christmas, but still a pretty magical day. A multi-day marathon, actually -- days of catching up with relatives and eating too much. My family today, my wife's tomorrow, the church family last Sunday, days of leftovers after it's all over. To me, it's never too much (except in the calorie count).
But it's more than eating and laughing and watching football. Thanksgiving is supposed to be about (is it too trite to point this out?) the giving of thanks. I (and probably you) will spend some time today contemplating the blessings of family, friends, abundant provision, of living in the greatest nation on Earth.
Yet sometimes I think we do an inadvertent disservice with the Thanksgiving holiday. It might give some the impression that one November Thursday a year is enough to feel grateful and reflect on the Giver of all gifts. No, one day won't suffice. Thanksgiving should be a lifestyle, a mind-set. An attitude of gratitude.
Not that I'm a great example, mind you. I need to cultivate thankfulness probably more than you do. But when you live your life with an attitude of gratitude, you look on things differently.
For instance, with gratitude (rather than dissatisfaction with your lot in life) you develop contentment. If you think continually and gratefully of what you have, rather than what you don't, it's hard to grow resentful. Truly thankful people don't feel entitled to something they don't have or haven't earned.
Appreciative people are usually much slower to complain. They're less likely to feel they were slighted by everyone from the government to the unresponsive store clerk. A more civil society would spring up with more thankfulness. Thankful people are slower to anger, to get offended, to fall into covetousness. Rather than get angry tomorrow when Wal-Mart runs out of that $49 gadget, try to appreciate how miraculous it is that your house has electricity to power the unused gadgets you have.
The attitude of gratitude makes you keenly aware of what you already have -- your kids, your health, your well-stocked fridge. You don't take these things for granted. If you remain conscious of how well off you really are, you also realize how easy it is to find someone with much less. Next time you start to gripe about your job, stop to consider the growing number of job-seekers right now.
Thankfulness puts things in proper perspective. If you consider that your possessions aren't really yours, that you'll leave them all behind one day, it's easier to let them go if need be. A few years ago, some acquaintances returned home to find their empty house and most of their possessions had burned to the ground in their absence. After a few seconds of stunned silence, the father looked around at his family and said, "Well, everything I really need is right here in this car." Thankfulness handles adversity well.
Thankful people tend to be more giving. The most generous people I've ever met cultivate the attitude of gratitude, though they never seem to expect much gratitude or credit for anything they do or give. They realize that what they have was given to them in one fashion or another, and are thus quicker to share with others. We all hear the stories of the millionaire who arrogantly stiffs a poor waitress on Christmas Eve, and of the poverty-stricken widow who gives her meager check to support some worthy charity. What accounts for the discrepancy? The attitude of gratitude, more likely than not.
In the film "The Sound of Music," Sister Maria leads the von Trapp family in grace for the first time. Significantly, she doesn't say "Thank you for this food." Instead she prays "For this food, make us truly grateful." I once thought that was an odd blessing. But I think I've finally learned what she meant. Well, to be honest, I'm still trying to learn it.
The big dinner will be gone in a few days. But the attitude of gratitude can last -- and define -- a lifetime.
Long, director of the Salem Museum and a history teacher at Roanoke College, is a Roanoke Times columnist.
