Saturday, October 03, 2009
Table talk explores relationships
As a university chaplain, Gary Robbins realized that most of the counseling he did was about relationships. As a pastor at Greene Memorial United Methodist Church, he's continuing that dialogue.
Kyle Green The Roanoke Times
Greene Memorial United Methodist Church pastor Gary Robbins is leading a series of 35-minute chats about relationships called "Lunch & Learn" at Cornerstone Bar & Grill on Mondays.
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Some people are turtles. Others are skunks. This becomes apparent over a lunch-time conversation with Gary Robbins, the easy-mannered pastor of Roanoke's Greene Memorial United Methodist Church.
He's been talking to groups about how people relate to one another ever since he was chaplain of Shenandoah University in Winchester, before coming to Roanoke in 2007. And he has discovered certain basic truths about people. For instance, there are people who spray a room with words when they're flustered (skunks) and others who retreat (turtles).
Robbins is leading chats over lunch through Oct. 26 at noon on Mondays in downtown's Cornerstone Bar & Grill. Lunch costs a recession-friendly $7, and the 35-minute conversation is for anyone looking to learn about relationships with "friends, colleagues, parents, children, boyfriends, girlfriends or spouses," Robbins said.
Excerpts from a recent interview :
Q: You say "Lunch & Learn" is not a sermonette and not a Bible study. What is it?
A: It's an opportunity to sit with others and explore the fascinating world of relationships. I ask questions and throw out images and ideas for the group to wrestle with, then we share what we learn.
Q: What made you realize as a chaplain that talking about relationships with groups could help people?
A: I wasn't a chaplain long before I realized that most of the counseling that I was doing -- both formal and informal -- had to do with relationships. I once read where a college student had written, "The quality of lives can be measured by the quality of our relationships." I think that he was right. Our lives are the sum total of all the different relationships in our lives.
Q: You've said birth order sometimes impacts how people's personalities are shaped. How so?
A: Growing up in a large family is different from growing up an only child. Growing up with an alcoholic parent is different from growing up in a family without addictive behaviors. Growing up when a mother died when you were young is different from growing up with the modeling and nurture from an emotionally attentive mother. These differences can affect, for example, how you feel about emotional closeness.
Q: So what do these recurring traits say about us as people?
A: That we are a richly hued, richly varied species, and those differences, though difficult and perplexing, strengthen us. In the Christian community, we talk about the fact that some people are eyes, some are ears, some are fingers, and some are toes. Those differences, far from being a liability, are a tremendous asset.
