Wednesday, August 13, 2008
What kids and parents should know about bullying
A Salem psychologist has helpful advice.
Emily Paine Carter is columnist So Salem. You can contact her at 981-3430 or via e-mail.
Emily Paine Carter
Recent columns from Salem, Glenvar and western Roanoke County
Picture the school bullies.
Now, does that cruel portrait include the "relational" bullies? We'll explain all that in this two-part series.
Even before this season of school-related themes, the topic had popped up -- like a mean older kid in a fright-mask leaping from the bushes, determined to ruin some toddlers' trick-or-treating.
At reunions and other social events -- whenever bygone days and former classmates were mentioned -- we reminisced, not always pleasantly. Ouch!
Oh, sometimes we do shudder, recalling painful moments -- perhaps on both sides of the taunting. Perhaps, too, a pesky printed prayer reminds us -- such as the words glaring at me regularly from The Book of Common Prayer: "We have left undone those things that we ought to have done, and we have done those things that we ought not to have done." And "the remembrance of our misdoings is grievous unto us." Argh!
Fortunately -- unlike back-in-the-day for, ahem, those-of-us-of-a-certain-age -- Greater Salem has several fine mental health counselors skilled in helping kids and parents deal with the ugly behavior of bullies and cliques.
Here's just one of them: Busy Salem psychologist Stephanie Pratola. She has even drawn up a top-ten list of Things Parents and Kids Should Know about Bullying:
1. Bullying can cause serious, long-term harm to its victims.
2. Every bully needs a victim and a group of bystanders.
3. Bystanders or witnesses give the bully power through their attention.
4. Bullying affects everyone: the bully, the victim and the bystanders.
5. Excluding others from playground fun, birthday parties, and other group activities ("you can't play with us") is a form of bullying called "Relational Bullying."
6. Cellphones, e-mail and Web sites are frequently used by bullies to inflict distress upon their victims.
7. Children prone to bullying benefit from learning empathy skills and positive ways to connect with others.
8. Children who tend to be victimized benefit from learning assertiveness and social skills.
9. Children who have good friendship skills, social judgment and emotional intelligence can be empowered to use leadership skills and positive peer pressure to discourage bullying.
10. Children frequently need adult help to deal with cliques and bullies that are physically aggressive or who have considerable social power.
So, kids, parents, witnesses: consider these morsels of insight. Discuss? (We'll sandwich a reunion picnic story in next week, then return to "school.") Here's to a fine, bully-free year!
