Wedding prompts introspective look at marriage

cody.lowe@roanoke.com 981-3425

We stood in the sand on North Topsail Beach on the North Carolina coast last weekend.

It was one of those almost magically perfect days that are possible in the fall. Puffy clouds provided just enough shade to prevent burning under the 80-degree sun. A gentle breeze enveloped us. Waves serenaded us.

There, the Rev. Ron Mateer joined my daughter Carrie and Michael Forbes in "the holy estate of matrimony."

I guess that a beautiful bride and elegantly tuxedoed groom - both barefoot in the sand - were bound to draw the attention of passersby, who gathered at the fringes to watch the ceremony.

They enthusiastically joined the family in hearty applause for the newlyweds as the couple were presented to us after their first married kiss.

I was struck by the willingness, almost insistence, of perfect strangers to join in the celebration - and by the fact that they could be so obviously filled by joy at the wedding of two people they didn't know.

The debate continues

Nationally, we are caught up in a great debate about just what marriage is. It's focused on who gets to say they are married, but also extends to what we believe marriage means to our culture.

The reaction of those strangers to my daughter's wedding was a reminder of just how powerful the institution remains - both as a secular and a religious rite. Many of us have what seems to be an almost genetic appreciation of the symbolic joining of two people.

So, it's natural that people would feel so strongly about how we recognize married couples. And it's inevitable that we will continue to struggle with questions such as whether homosexual couples should have the same right to a legal marriage, or even whether religious weddings should be independent of legal marriage.

Carrie and Michael didn't have to worry about whether their church or their state would recognize their marriage. Fortunately for them, that was a lock.

But making that marriage a success isn't assured with the recitation of the age-old ceremonial words.

For Carrie and Michael, like many of the rest of us, the religious aspects of the ceremony provide the most compelling incentive to work hard at marriage. The Christian view that the joining of two people is as holy and binding as the link between Christ and the church is a potent, symbolic glue.

Like every married couple, they will bear the primary responsibility for the health of their marriage, but they will need help to make their union work.

Their extended families will have to try to tread the fine line of being interested without being intrusive, in touch but not nosy, a support but not a crutch.

They will need their friends, even their employers, to help them. And they will count on their church family to provide voices of encouragement and experience.

It is my confidence in that communal support that makes watching Carrie and Michael enter their new lives together so easy.