Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Grrr! The voicemail edition
Kevin Kittredge
Grrr! is an occasional rant about things that don't work very well.
Recent columns
"Hi. This is Kevin Kittredge in the features department of the Roanoke Times. I'm either not in, on the phone, talking on my cell or just ignoring you. If you really, really want to get through to me, it won't be easy, but there are some things that you might try.
"You could dial my editor's number, because she's one of those rare people who still answers her landline. Then she could yell at me to answer mine. You could also call the newspaper's main number, and try to find a live human being who will track me down. But before you go any further, I suggest you examine your motives. What do you want from me, really? Perhaps I'm not the best person to talk to, after all.
"For example, if you have arts news, I don't do that anymore. If you want to complain about a story I wrote, I suppose you've come to the right place, but I hope you'll reconsider: I'm very sensitive, and I don't take criticism well.
"If you've called me after business hours, please try back in the morning. If you called me before business hours, please try back at a civilized time. If you absolutely, positively have to leave a message on my voice mail -- well, go ahead. But you'll have to wait for the beep."
No, that's not really my new voice mail greeting. But has anybody else noticed how l-o-o-o-o-o-o-ng some peoples' greetings have become?
Maybe they're hoping we'll all just hang up -- or fall asleep.
My favorite prerecorded greeting ever went like this:
"Hi. This is Dave. You know what to do, and you know when to do it."
Beep.
Mailbag time
Time to let our readers rant again. Dave Hanson of Roanoke has a rant about rants:
"We are a demanding, impatient, self-absorbed society in which ranting about trivial inconveniences is the norm; meanwhile we often fail to appreciate our blessings and overlook serious problems that don't seem to directly affect us at the moment."
He also said he's loved reading Grrr! Dave, you've got more in common with us than you know.
Meanwhile, Blacksburg mom Hope Ingram has a couple of gripes.
The mother of two vacationed this summer at North Carolina's Outer Banks with her teenaged daughters. "One thing we all noticed was that shopkeepers of all kinds, from Wal-Mart to boutiques, were unfailingly friendly, helpful and courteous. Then, we returned to Southwest Virginia. ... The shopkeepers are at best inattentive, if not downright rude."
She makes an exception for Xanadu in Blacksburg -- "the friendliest shop in the area!"
Hope also has a back-to-school Grrr!:
"The state of Virginia sponsors the tax holiday weekend, but Montgomery County Schools cannot send out class lists or supply lists in time to take advantage of it. ... This is especially true of Blacksburg High School. You do not find out your supply needs until the first week of school, and the teachers want you to have them the next day! So, parents have to scramble to make sure all the seven or eight classes are covered with the various odds and ends that are needed. ... Generally, by then, retail supplies are low and you have to make multiple stops to fill the requirements. Grrr..."
Can you think of something that really ought to work better? Let us know. Kevin.kittredge@roanoke. com; 981-3323.
