Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Grrr ... Do I have another inch?
Kevin Kittredge
Grrr! is an occasional rant about things that don't work very well.
Recent columns
Do I have another inch?
Who knows? Why do I even care? I should just give my car the gas and whack that car behind me in the bumper. It would serve its owner right. Did he care about me when he parked so close?
It doesn't help that my car trunk is built up so high that I can't see over it. More than a century of automobile design behind them, and this is the best the carmakers can come up with? Note to creationists: If you're looking for some empirical evidence to refute Mr. Darwin and the theory of evolution, there it is. (And no, I'm not knocking Detroit here. My car was built -- well, let's just say "somewhere else.")
But I know how much room I had for maneuvering when I got in. And it wasn't much. About three inches. And some guy in front of me has backed right up to my front bumper as well. I'm trapped.
Why do people do this?
I'll tell you why: It's because they're trying to sneak into a curbside parking space meant for one. And the closer they get to me, the better the odds they won't get a ticket.
How do the meter lords judge this practice, I wonder? Do they give a car a free pass if less than half of it hangs out into "No parking" territory?
Well, right now, I need to make a judgment call. My choice is: Do I wait for one of these drivers to return and drive away? Or do I give my 5 mph bumpers a workout, and knock those suckers back?
I suppose there's a third option. I could just abandon my car, the way some drivers leave their vehicles along interstate highways in a blizzard, and come back to fetch it another day.
Yeah, right.
Turn around now, folks. I don't need any witnesses.
Va-va-va-rooom!
Bam!
Bam!
Free.
Can you think of something that really ought to work better? Let us know. kevin.kittredge@roanoke.com; 981-3323.
