Joe Kennedy

Joe Kennedy is routinely named the region's best writer by readers of The Roanoker magazine.

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When my daughter applied to colleges as a high school senior, she chose to write the required personal statement about a catastrophic event in her life: her mother's death.

Katherine was 12 when that happened.

Her essay was a description of the hopes, fears and grief she felt during those times.

It concluded with these words:

"My mother is missed every day by each and every one of us, but we've realized life is an ongoing cycle. You must look at the past with smiles and great memories, and look toward the future with confidence and awareness. You must take complete advantage of the good times with people, because you never know what could happen."

In one form or another, she sent that statement to all of the colleges she applied to, including Virginia Tech.

Neither of us ever imagined we would revisit those thoughts because of something that happened at the school she chose, Virginia Tech.

Monday, something did.

This time, the grief is not limited to our little family, but to the larger family of those killed and wounded, those who populate Blacksburg and the Tech campus and the world at large.

No rushing it

Grief can be a killer, but most people rise to live again.

"The important thing is to recognize that grief is going to be natural, normal and appropriate," Tom Ollendick, a Tech university distinguished professor of psychology, said Friday.

Like anybody in pain, grievers often ask, "How long will this go on?"

The answer varies.

"We anticipate that things will become more difficult as [the reality] settles in and people have a chance to truly accept it and reflect on it," Ollendick said.

Especially among young people, the brunt of the grief may not strike until six months later, when something sparks feelings they have controlled.

It is normal to muster our strength during crises.

But when the news reporters and their satellite trucks leave Blacksburg and everyday routines resume, the effects of the horror may become more painful.

Solemn scene

I went to the Tech campus Thursday and saw it the way Ollendick did -- as "kind of forlorn. It's like walking through a battlefield after a war -- you see the remains, the flowers and the mementos."

Consequently, he said, "A lot of people are wary about how they're going to feel" when they return to school.

Katherine knows a girl who was wounded.

She also had a class on the second floor of Norris Hall, where most of the killing and wounding took place -- luckily, on a different day and at a different time from when the attack occurred.

On Thursday, she told me she might be afraid once she gets back to the campus.

One of her professors already has sent an e-mail saying those who are satisfied with their grades need not continue to come to class. A message from the provost issued Thursday recommends that students continue to attend class but offers other options.

"I'm going to go back and see how it feels," Katherine told me.

Her friends plan to do the same.

On Thursday, Riichiro Harayama, a reporter with the Tokyo Broadcasting System, interviewed me for the hour-long weekly news program "The Broadcaster."

He asked about the ready availability of guns in this country and the ease with which Seung-Hui Cho obtained his weapons and ammunition despite an overnight stay in a psychiatric hospital.

Guns are illegal in Japan, he said. There, people who go berserk often use knives.

It is hard to kill 32 people with a knife.

He asked about Cho's return to the school despite his required outpatient counseling, his teachers' concerns and his harassment of female students. Cho killed himself after his rampage.

I emphasized the Tech that existed until Monday's shootings -- a community of the young, smart, energetic and enthusiastic, a place of pride and accomplishment.

Ollendick believes its spirit will return in spades.

Football coach Frank Beamer has said the same thing.

When it does, thousands of young people besides my daughter will have learned a valuable, though unwelcome, lesson:

You must take complete advantage of the good times with people, because you never know what could happen.