Even paradise runs on plastic

Carroll County, in a monetary crunch and desperate to exploit the region's natural beauty, just hired a tourism director. His job will be to promote the area's resources and coax travelers off the I -77 interchange into our sleepy chunk of paradise. First project: a glossy eight-page brochure revealing what sets us apart from the rest of Southwest Virginia. For one thing, we have the only town in the world named Dugspur. Come one, come all!

Therein lies the rub. Do you want visitors to permanently settle here and increase the tax base? Or do you just want them to hang around long enough to exercise their debit cards on homemade apple butter, pay their transient occupancy tax then skedaddle on back home?

That's a question to ask the current Carroll County Board of Supervisors as they are trying to figure out what new taxes, er ... "revenue enhancements" to impose. With a county debt in excess of $60 million I don't envy them or the tough choices they are forced to make. Despite my political ambitions I am so glad I didn't seek election last term. I might have messed up and won.

Some years back during a different fiscal crunch I jokingly asked a certain county official, "So much of our local acreage is owned by out-of-state residents. Why not just tax those particular landowners at a much higher levy?" He said, "That's a good idea but the General Assembly will not permit it." You mean they had actually considered DOING this at some point? Desperate times do indeed call for desperate measures. And we'd have gotten away with it, too, if not for those meddling delegates.

We received a lovely surprise last year when the county underwent a mandatory property reassessment program. Apparently we have been paying just too darned little in way of taxes 'round here the past decade. Talk about future shock. This reassessment dragged us kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

I have a feeling there will be quite a few names in the published delinquent tax notice next year. Maybe mine. Good time to reconsider selling Grit.

No one is exempt. I know a man whose property includes a separate acre of swampland that was reassessed for several grand. He can't mow it. He can't plow it. Draining it would likely require approval from the Army Corp of Engineers because it is technically a wetland. And he certainly cannot hope to sell it for anything near the appraised value.

I would love to sell my place for the price they have it appraised. Unfortunately, I couldn't hope to find another place to live in this county with the amazing profit I made.

So to be helpful, and perhaps in time for the new brochure, I propose a new motto for our area: "Welcome to Carroll County! We Hope You Brought Money!"