Kudos to kudzu

One hot summer day while push-mowing, I began seriously considering replacing the grass with a utilitarian ground cover. Nice strategy, but what could possibly shroud that amount of acreage by the next appointed cutting ? The answer was obvious: kudzu!

Getting a few starter vines would be simplicity itself.

U.S 221 through Dugspur is unofficially known as the Kudzu Corridor.

Kudzu made its way to the United States in 1876 when the Japanese introduced it at the Philadelphia Exposition. Shortly thereafter it must have reached Dugspur. As with many invasive species, some brilliant scientist said, "Let’s dump it on the South and see if it grows." It did. Like wineberries and princess trees, the vine naturalized and there was no turning back.

Kudzu is the ultimate botanical carpetbagger.

The ubiquitous vine has a tough time sprouting but once it takes hold it can grow over a foot per day. Millions of acres of land below the Mason-Dixon have fallen to its lush tyranny.

I was reading a 1950 issue of Progressive Farmer. In the back there were several ads for kudzu seed. “Send one dollar and a self-addressed stamped envelope.” Or just sit tight and it’ll be invading your backyard shortly.

Farmers who gleefully spent their life’s energies grubbing land and removing all manner of stumps, shrubs and ivies simply stepped back in defeat from the resiliency and mightiness of the kudzu vine.

Kudzu will forever be regarded as one of those notions that “seemed like a good idea at the time.” Kudzu was the industrial hemp of its day. Immediately after its introduction there was a push to designate this new weed as the all-purpose agricultural savior. The roots were edible, paper and cloth could be fashioned from the leaves and the soil benefits were myriad.

Had George Washington Carver been in the right place at the right time, history could have been drastically altered. Kids would be packing kudzu butter and jelly sandwiches. Jimmy Carter would have been a kudzu farmer. The Planters icon would be far more grotesque.

I grew up across the road from a particularly tenacious patch of kudzu. I theorize VDOT planted it there sometime in the ‘30s. By the ‘70’ some agency with helicopters was dumping an ill-smelling defoliant upon it. The final outcome: kudzu 1, defoliant 0.

I propose that kudzu be used as the latest weapon in the War on Terrorism. A few well-placed seedlings could overtake an entire enemy country in an amazingly short time. It’s already been proven that no power on Earth can halt its expansion. When it finally does its job of immobilizing transportation, choking out native forests and shorting out utility lines, kudzu could ultimately make the world safe for democracy.

I patiently await the Congressional Medal of Honor.