Which fashion faux pas is next?

A bill passed in the House of Delegates this week made national headlines and makes Virginia look like a national joke.

The House passed HB 1981 authorizing a $50 fine for anyone who publicly displays his or her underpants in a "lewd or indecent manner."

The bill was proposed by people who are “offended” when they see someone’s underwear sticking out. No intimate body parts need to be exposed under this new law, just cloth.

The bill states that, “Any person who, while in a public place, intentionally wears and displays his below-waist undergarments, intended to cover a person's intimate parts, in a lewd or indecent manner, shall be subject to a civil penalty of no more than $50.”

Indecent exposure laws are already on the books, and they address when someone’s intimate parts are publicly exposed. But this bill takes things a likely unconstitutional step further, and regulates someone’s underwear when it sticks out.

The bill was approved 60-34 and now goes to the Virginia Senate. Why no one has stopped this ridiculous bill is beyond me. Is this why we send politicians to Richmond? Are these the serious issues that face the Commonwealth? What about jobs, tax cuts and government reform?

Sure, wearing low-riding pants to show off underwear does look ridiculous and is more of a fashion “cry for help” than a fashion “statement.” But as long as no intimate areas are showing, what’s the problem? This is strictly a bill to protect people from being offended, and that’s not the government’s job.

This takes us back to the days of legislating that women had to wear dresses long enough to cover their ankles so men’s minds wouldn’t be filled with lustful thoughts at the sight of them. Do any of these legislators believe those laws were justified? If we apply the logic they used to pass this bill, then we can only conclude they do.

Why don’t we pass a law that fines women for showing too much cleavage? That’s offensive to many, and it exposes a lot more intimate skin than seeing someone’s underwear. (I doubt you’ll ever see that pass a male-dominated General Assembly.)

How far do we take this?

Well, if I’m going to be forced to live in an authoritarian state where the government dictates fashion, then I want the following fashion faux pas be considered crimes, as well:

• People who weigh more than 250 pounds and wear Spandex shorts (me included).
• Women over 50 years old who shop at the Gap and wear clothing and sparkle make-up intended for high school girls.
• People who wear clothing patterned after 1970s styles.
• Men who wear Speedo swimsuits to the beach. (This needs to be considered a capital crime.)
• Plumbers, electricians and appliance repair people who expose their backsides while working.

While we’re at it, why don’t we also …

• Outlaw picking your teeth, your nose or the seat of your pants in public? (Very offensive.)
• Jail people who spit chewing tobacco into clear glass bottles or coffee cups? (This makes me ill.)

I am offended by all these things. Where’s my law to protect me?

The only local delegate who opposed the legislation was Onzlee Ware. Shame on the rest of them.

I thought the term “fashion police” was a funny joke. Today in the once “bastion of liberty” Virginia, it may become a frightening reality.