Sunday, January 27, 2008
Roanoke outstrips Minn. city every way
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Shanna Flowers is The Roanoke Times' metro columnist.
Shanna Flowers
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Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport?
That's what this is all about? That's why Advanced Auto is turning its roving eye from its founding hometown headquarters in Roanoke toward Minneapolis as its seat of power?
Some New York analyst let slip last week that he could see the advantages of Advance's new leadership team hunkering down in Minneapolis.
The first thing to pop out of his mouth? "The Minneapolis airport is a hub for Northwest Airlines."
So what that Minneapolis has an international airport that has actual international flights? Beyond the wide-bodied jets and the extra landing space and gates, is one-time New York wannabe "Minneapple" all it's really cracked up to be?
For goodness sakes, the place is a snow globe.
Minneapolis is noted for its elevated, enclosed walkways connecting buildings. Why? Because it's so daggone cold up there for so much of the year. On Thursday, the low was 1 degree. The same day, the thermometer showed a heat-wave high of 7 degrees.
What does it say about a city that it even builds its amusement parks indoors? Can you say, "Mall of America"?
Minnesotans tout that 10,000 lakes thing. They don't mention the 10 trillion mosquitoes as big as Jesse "The Body" Ventura's head. Speaking of the professional wrestler-cum-former blowhard governor, he's a cream puff compared with Roanoke Councilman Brian "Bulldog" Wishneff.
These people go fishing on ice. In the era of global warming, that doesn't exactly signal a high IQ among your potential employment pool.
I'm all for laying off red meat, but lutefisk? Since when did lye become the marinade of choice for fish?
What's up with a state where cities and towns compete for billing as the home of a mythical character named Paul Bunyan? In other words, they invent their history. Virginia doesn't -- Thomas Jefferson, George Washington and James Madison are the real deal.
Let's talk accents. Appalachian vs. Upper Midwestern: "Bless your heart, darlin' " versus "Yah, you betcha." The choice is yours.
Bet those economic incentive brochures don't share this little gem: The feds said Minneapolis had the fourth-worst traffic in the nation six months ago. Elm Avenue during rush hour doesn't look so bad now, huh?
Last week, the editorial board at the Minneapolis newspaper crowed about the Twin Cities' upcoming new slogan "Minneapolis St. Paul: More to Life." Come on, guys. You can't top, "Virginia is for Lovers."
The best thing about Minnesota? Prince -- and even he's conflicted over what to call himself.
Shanna Flowers' column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.
