Sunday, May 06, 2007
Girls report growing pressure
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Shanna Flowers is The Roanoke Times' metro columnist.
Shanna Flowers
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Many years ago, as I fretted about one thing or another, a physician told me, "It's hard being a girl."
A newly released study indicates it's even harder now.
The pressure is mounting for today's girls to be everything to everyone, according to a new report by Girls Inc., a national organization that works to empower young women with self-esteem and vision.
As girls admirably work to excel in school and deflate stereotypes about their leadership abilities, they increasingly are overwhelmed by pressures of looking pretty, dressing "right" and having the perfect body. Those expectations dovetail with the pressure of "fitting in," as I discovered from two Roanoke girls.
The national findings are in a report titled "The Supergirl Dilemma: Girls Grapple with the Mounting Pressure of Expectations."
Of the 1,059 third- through 12th-grade girls polled, 74 percent said they were feeling stress to please everyone.
One unidentified girl wrote about the pressure to get good grades, look good, have a lot of friends, do chores and still have time for family. She wasn't alone. Over and over, girls acknowledged the pressure to be smart, pretty, thin and fit in.
Undoubtedly young people's fixation on looks is fueled by images they see in the media.
The survey also polled adult women, and 84 percent of them agreed that girls are under pressure to please everyone.
Women who have survived the burdensome superwoman phenomenon know the pressures of trying to be all things to all people. It usually doesn't come to a good end, at least not a self-satisfying one.
We need to safeguard our daughters from that worry.
Amelia Gaines of Roanoke has to "study a lot" for the good grades she told me she earns at Forest Park Elementary.
But judging from her soft, childlike voice, academic pressure seemed notably less worrisome than other expectations she faces. When she began telling me about her friends and what happened last week with her hair, her voice grew more anxious.
"My hair," Amelia, 10, said, "it was in a flip. My friends told me to comb it down." So she combed out the curls until her hair hung straight. Amelia shared how her friends want her to "act like them" and how "sometimes, they can be real mean."
"She's new to the school," said LeVita Washington, Amelia's mother. "She's under the pressure of trying to fit in."
The pressure of "just trying to fit in" sent Alicia Taylor, 18, through a rough patch when she was in middle school. Girls taunted her. Her grades slipped. She got in trouble. It was a painful experience that she clearly didn't want to dwell on when we talked.
Instead, the Patrick Henry High School senior and former model was chatty about how she has flourished in high school, successfully juggling studies, a part-time job and cheerleading. This fall she is headed to Virginia State University to study finance.
The "Supergirl" report urges communities to empower girls to help them set priorities and mark smart choices. Girls Inc.'s closest chapter is in Bristol.
Still, the message the organization teaches is universal. We have to nurture in girls pride and self-esteem. Several area groups have programs to do that.
Both Amelia and Alicia are members of groups established by Delta Sigma Theta sorority to support and empower girls.
Helen Dean worked with the high school girls for the first time this school year. She has witnessed the evolution of the members from shy teens to more self-assured young women.
"It's a beautiful, wonderful change I've seen in them," Dean said. "They believe more in themselves. They speak more positively about themselves and what they can do."
Girls can do anything. And they can start by meeting expectations that make them, not others, feel most at ease.
Shanna Flowers' column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.
