Monday, February 13, 2012
The Dadline: Bleep my kid says
Where do they learn to talk like this? Um, grown-ups.
Illustration by Grant Jedlinsky | The Roanoke Times
The Dadline
Ralph Berrier Jr.
The Dadline
About The Dadline
Veteran Roanoke Times features reporter Ralph Berrier Jr. Ralph became a father nearly five years ago, and has since learned, um, something about parenting.
He will share insights, trends and just plain funny stories by talking to people on the front lines. Questions? Find Ralph on the Roanoke Times Facebook page to share your own parenting stories.
Amy Shelor Dye's first-grade son learned to spell a new word recently. The one that starts with "f" and was famously described in the classic movie "A Christmas Story" as the "Queen Mother of dirty words ... f-dash-dash-dash word."
Except that her son misspelled it when he tried.
"I'm not sure if this spelling-bee-coordinating mom should be pleased or [not] that he spelled it incorrectly," said Shelor Dye, who lives in Boones Mill.
Cussing kids have been in the news lately. Last month, ABC's "Modern Family" earned some notoriety for its "Little Bo Bleep" episode, in which a toddler girl appears to say the Queen Mum word (it was bleeped out).
Many parents were outraged, others nonplussed. They had heard this kind of thing before from their own bleeping kids.
I sent a Facebook query to some parents and asked if they had their own cursing stories. Heck yeah, they did.
A friend of mine in Radford, who wished to remain anonymous, said that after her two young sons had a particularly bad day in the day care center several years ago, she actually allowed them to say one bad word about day care (probably why she wished to remain anonymous).
Bracing herself for a "damn," she actually heard her fourth-grader say, yes, that one. The Queen Mum again. The F-word that ain't "fudge."
When she asked him where he learned such a bad word, he told her it was written on the wall of the day care center. (Probably by an exhausted, overworked employee!)
Zetta Nicely of Fairlawn said her sister's 4-year-old son told his mom that she was "one heck of a b----!"
"In a complimentary way," Nicely added.
Where are kids learning this stuff? I mean besides the walls of day cares. Mom, dad, stop swearing for a minute and take a look in the mirror.
I was in a 'Cussing Club'
Child psychologists seem to agree that children parrot what they hear from grown-ups. Even if they learn a bad word on the playground from another child, they're learning it from a kid who heard his own parents say it. The naughty talk can always be traced back to a grown-up.
Television, movies and music get a lot of blame for coarsening the language, and rightfully so, but a first-grader isn't going to learn his first cuss word from watching "Goodfellas." He'll learn it when Mom breaks a dish or when Dad's favorite football team fumbles.
Are kids hearing and saying more bad words than they did a generation ago? It sure seems that way, but then again I remember some ugly talk on the playground when I was a kid. In fact, in the fourth grade, some of us boys even started a "Cussing Club," whose initiation process consisted of prospective members saying the nastiest cuss word they could think of. Of course, I ran with a rough crowd back in those days.
I also grew up on a farm where machines and equipment broke down a lot, so I picked up some choice words there, too. I also played sports, which are a fountain of trash talk and trashy talk. In other words, maybe I am not the best person to judge whether or not kids cuss more these days.
The "Modern Family" controversy also introduced the world to an otherwise unknown group at Brigham Young University called the "No Cussing Club" — ha! The archenemy of my old "Cussing Club"! — which demanded ABC pull the episode. The network did not comply. But maybe the mere existence of a "No Cussing Club" will restore your faith and hope in young people.
They know what cuss is
So far, the naughtiest word from the mouth of my kindergartner has been "butt," although I am sure I will hear worse from her someday. Especially when you consider who her parents are. Turns out there's not much parents can do.
Traci Thompson Priego, an old high school pal of mine, wrote in an email that she forbids her young sons from using ugly talk. Then, while volunteering at school one day, she overheard her son tell his friends, "Yeah, my mom is really strict. She never lets me say things like 'crap,' 'OMG' or 'WTF' and I don't even KNOW what they mean!"
Even punishment can backfire. Shelor Dye, whose son mucked up his obscene spelling bee mentioned earlier, told her boy that there are consequences if she ever hears him use a bad word.
"A few minutes later," she said, "Ben, with his face scrunched up, blurted out, 'Oh! I just want to say every cuss word I know!'"
Got any bleeping-good stories, or any tips for how to get kids to swear off cussing? Drop me an email.
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