Thursday, July 02, 2009
Metro columnist Dan Casey: Welcome to a land of full tanks, full bladders
Dan Casey is The Roanoke Times' metro columnist.
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@roanoke.com
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Dan Casey
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Read Dan's blog
Dear Summer Traveler:
The summer vacation season is here, so welcome to Virginia! Our commonwealth is proud to have you as a guest.
As you may have heard, Virginia is for Lovers. In fact, it was just Monday that Forbes named that little ditty among the top tourism slogans in advertising history.
Here is a primer on all the different kinds of lovers the Old Dominion has.
- Virginia is for Lovers of low gasoline taxes. Virginia's tax is just 17.5 cents a gallon. That is lower than any bordering state except Kentucky (15 cents), and most of the states east of the Mississippi. So save some money while you're here, and fill up your tank(s)!
You might like to know why Virginia's tax is so low. It's because the Virginia legislature hasn't raised it since 1987. That was six governors ago, when a guy named Jerry Baliles was in office. (Ronald Reagan was president back then -- remember him? He signed a federal gas-tax increase in 1982.)
The cost of everything else has gone up, of course. Asphalt costs more per ton. Concrete and stone and bulldozers and the hourly wages of those hard workers on road-building crews cost much more, too. There are more roads for the Virginia Department of Transportation to maintain, too.
And those lawyer/gas-tax opponents in the General Assembly who defend drunken drivers in court? They charge their clients a bunch more now than they did in 1987 (so please don't drink and drive -- they will soak you big).
- Virginia is for Lovers of tall grass along the highways. If you believe this is because we haven't raised the gas tax in 22 years, you're only partly correct.
Indeed, a financially strapped VDOT is doing a lot less mowing these days, and will be doing even less in the near future. But those tall grasses also help fight global warming. They absorb lots more carbon dioxide than the closely shaven kind.
I can assure you, though, if the anti-gas-tax lawmakers had considered this, they would have voted for a gas tax increase, rather than look like they cared about our environment. Perceptions, you know.
- Virginia is for Lovers of potholes. These are growing in number, in case you hadn't noticed (the lack of money, again).
Right now Interstate 81 isn't too bad, nor is Interstate 66. So if you want a more exciting pothole experience, you should head over to Interstate 95, or Virginia's section of the Washington beltway, or certain stretches of Interstate 64. Parts of those look as patched as a hippie's old pair of jeans.
But Interstate 81 will catch up soon, don't you worry.
- Virginia is for Lovers of front-end alignments and new tires. (See potholes, above). We have expert mechanics all over the state who are eager to fix your pothole-caused mishaps.
- Virginia is for Lovers of "holding it" while driving through our commonwealth. That is one of the reasons VDOT is closing about half of its interstate highway rest areas. The other reason, of course, is lack of money because the legislature has refused to raise the gas tax for so long.
But don't you worry. There are plenty of McDonald's and other fast-food joints with busy, one-stall johns only a stone's throw from our highways.
If you do not want to chance those, here is an idea: Invest in a Bladder Buddy before you arrive. That nifty bedpan-for-your-car might make the drive through our state a little more pleasant.
(It's a guys-only device. Sorry, gals. You'll have to hold it.)
So welcome to Virginia!
Don't forget to fill your tank.
Dan Casey's column runs Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.





