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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Metro columnist Dan Casey: Explore Park as the final frontier

Dan Casey is The Roanoke Times' metro columnist.

dan.casey
@roanoke.com

981-3423

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The security guard in The Roanoke Times lobby said the parcel arrived via a tight-beaked carrier pigeon that quickly vanished. As it landed on my desk, I noted the return address: "Larry Vander Maten's Secret Lair."

I hacked my way through triple-sealed ribbon tape. A slick folder marked "Master Plan for Explore Park" and double-stamped "Top Secret" slid onto the desk.

A scribbled sticky note warned: "This folder will self-destruct in 60 seconds." So I hastily skimmed the materials inside.

The first page showed photos of happy, smiling adults and children gathered in a conference hotel.

All wore Star Trek uniforms. Some sported fake Vulcan ears. Here is the text:

"There are more than 150 Star Trek Conventions held annually across the United States attracting on average 500 fans known as 'Trekkies.' Despite their high disposable income, the hotel industry looks dimly on this business segment. It spooks normal guests and Trekkies cut into profits because they drink no alcohol.

"A permanent anchor hotel for the Trekkies will attract more than 75,000 affluent visitors annually and will expose the rather diffused Star Trek culture to the Blue Ridge region."

The next page had a photo of the Roanoke River. On the bank was a large, dark, blurry figure.

"The half human, half animal known as Bigfoot is a popular icon in American folklore. More than 6,800 Bigfoot sightings have been reported across the country, including a number along the Roanoke River in western Virginia. The elusive creature's popularity and Explore Park's position along the river make it a perfect venue for a monument that will attract Bigfoot seekers to Roanoke."

Page 3 showed a model of a futuristic-looking airport with a silvery disc descending into a docking station.

"Unidentified Flying Objects are sighted nightly across the Blue Ridge and surrounding states. But to date, there is no port to facilitate landings for alien spacecraft anywhere in the U.S.

"This exhibit will encourage tourism, bring both Earthlings and non-Earthlings together, and attract huge numbers of UFO watchers from around the world to the Roanoke region."

The final page had a large picture of a treasure chest and tattered, hand-scrawled map:

"Rumored to be buried only a few miles away in Bedford County and sought after for decades, the legendary Beale treasure has excited history buffs for more than a century. Explore would be the perfect launching point for hordes of fortune hunters."

My 60 seconds were up. The folder began to smolder and fizzle. I dropped it on the desk and it disappeared in a small cloud.

Holy smoke, I thought. This would turn Roanoke into a Branson, Mo., for weirdos. The Star City would be ground zero for every kook in the country. A casino would be better -- or maybe even an asphalt plant.

It's unclear at this point whether this was the real deal or an elaborate hoax.

Larry hasn't detailed any of his plans -- even to Roanoke County supervisors, who granted him exclusive development and secrecy rights to the 1,155 public acres back in 2005.

The carrier pigeon could not be located for comment.

And Larry, as always, is not talking.

Dan Casey's column runs on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.

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